Codependency

            We encounter new people and new situations on a daily basis. It comes with being human. Most of these encounters are shallow and meaningless; they are brief and do not impact our lives in any way. Sometimes, after repeated encounters with the same person, a more significant connection can occur. In Octavia Butler’s Bloodchild and Other Stories for example, the main character Gan encounters T’Gatoi at a very young age. He develops a connection with her despite their different backgrounds and her supposed dominance over him. As time passes, Butler describes this connection as more of a codependent one than one of superiority and inferiority. She portrays their relationship as one that is mutually beneficial where neither party has to change an integral part of their existence in order to fully connect with the other person. However, this was not entirely clear to me at first and I had to draw from my personal encounters in order to see how this relationship could be symbiotic in such a sense.

One of my most memorable encounters has been the one I’ve had with the child I was working with at an orphanage. I was volunteering for a club in my high school because I have always enjoyed working with kids and I wanted an outlet through which I could help my community. To my dismay, I was paired up with a child called Justin who  didn’t want to meet new people. It was difficult to get him to open up to the idea of letting someone new into his life, but I finally did so by bringing him a puzzle set one day. I didn’t expect him to love it as much as he did, but piecing puzzles together soon became our activity of choice. We didn’t necessarily talk at first, but I was just happy that Justin was accepting my company. Eventually, he became more comfortable around me and we still maintain a close relationship up until this day.

What is significant about my relationship with Justin is that we both influenced each other and the relationship was advantageous for both of us. I was able to contribute to my community and know how to interact with children; he was able to become a little more trustworthy of strangers and open himself up a little more. By the end of the year, he was definitely more social than he had ever been, or at least according to the chaperones. In a sense, we depended on each other to bring something to the table. However, it is important to note that even though it was an advantageous relationship, we did not have to sacrifice anything to obtain it. We connected and contributed without having to change any part of our inherent personalities. Instead of forcing Justin to be more outgoing immediately, I instead found a common ground where we could both connect. I didn’t alter anything in our relationship; I just added an extra layer to it.

This is similar to Butler’s description of Gan and T’Gatoi’s relationship. Their relationship can also be seen as a mutually beneficial relationship. Gan clearly loves T’Gatoi, and T’Gatoi is able to reproduce through Gan’s body. In a twisted sense, Gan is also benefitting as his sacrifice allows both his mother and sister to give birth to human children, thus helping the entire human race. More importantly, they both benefitted from each other by staying exactly who they were. If Gan were something other than human, this relationship dynamic would differ immensely. Their identity was what tied them together, so changing anything innate about themselves would have been disadvantageous for the relationship.

My encounter with Justin helped me see how Gan and T’Gatoi’s relationship worked. I compared myself to T’Gatoi, as I was in a position that could be seen as having more power. Both T’Gatoi and I are older and wiser. We have more privilege and freedom. Gan reminded me of Justin. They were young and controlled by the circumstances that surrounded them, but they had an urge to live according to their own terms. Through my relationship with Justin, I saw how it mirrored that of T’Gatoi and Gan’s. I could clearly see how both Justin and I were at an advantage to have a relationship with each other, despite our differences in privilege. Once I noted the similarities between my position and T’Gatoi’s, I started to see how Gan and T’Gatoi’s relationship was also symbiotic. In a sense, this makes this a lot more complex than if they had a master-slave relationship, simply because neither one has a hold on the other. It also means that perhaps a lot more goes into the power dynamics of a relationship than privilege.

Thus, my encounter with Justin led me to see that Bloodchild and Other Stories also shows a codependent relationship that works without changing any integral part of the identity of the people involved. It also reveals how different the nature of the relationships can be when viewed from alternate lenses.