September 9, 2016 - 21:12
The relationship between my “sister” and I should be like an “asymmetrical relation of power” (Pratt p.34) in the beginning. As she was more mature and braver to share her opinions, I should have a sense of worship on her. I dare say, I was the kind of person, who would be too nervous to think about responses when involved into a situation where I was not supposed to limit my behavior in nodding or shaking my head. I would doubt about myself if the person who I was talking to did not understand or disagree with my ideas.
In conclusion, she was like a tiny tree which already had its hard and strong chunk, and I was a blade of grass. I had no idea which way was I suppose to grow towards while she grew more leaves in the south side of her branches to get more access to collect sunshine. My future was misty, but hers seemed bright and clear.
We found each other by our own ways of selecting friends. I am not sure about hers as I always avoid studying my friends. However, I am clear my young mind. I tended to talk to someone who was more talented than I was. When she was selected as one of the participants in the math competition, I paid much attention on this girl who had a similar name to mine. There were sixty four students in my first-year class, and ten of them got selected to the competition, but I do not know exactly why I chose her. Out of curiosity and eagerness to figure out about her, I raised the thought to go to talk with her. Since teachers always made mistakes when calling us, I went to her with prepared topics, nervously sat down, and started out first chat with calling her my name.
That was the first step of our contact zone. We started with “asymmetrical relations of power” (Pratt p.34), but the “joys of contact zone” (Pratt p.39) gradually bloomed between us.
She was not interested in that “joke”, which made me worry if I offended her because I did not like it either. The first sentence in Three Character Classic, which was used as the first book for children in ancient China, is “People at birth are naturally good”. My Chinese teacher in middle school, who believed in Mohism, changed the original sentence to “People at birth are naturally bad”. This is true. At least around me, it was true.
Children show their dislikeness directly to people without any disguise. There were a lot (like everyday) of arguments between me and certain people during my elementary school. In middle school, there were fewer. It kept decreasing from my seventh grade to ninth grade. While in high school, there was none. As Pratt says, “along with rage, incomprehension, and pain, there were exhilarating moments of wonder and revelation, mutual understanding, and new wisdom- the joys of the contact zone.”(Pratt p.39) We not only learnt to keep the inappropriate comments deeply into our minds, but we also learnt to appreciate different voices and adopt them.
I argued with my “sister” most when in fourth grade though I forgot what the context was. I was interviewed everyday about what happened between us. Fundamentally, the reason was our position about the relation of power switched. We were taught that everyone was equal but there was always vainglorious comparison. Children build themselves up through extracting knowledge and experiences through the outside world. The ways we got them vary. Because we learn so rapid, a part of us do not like to share our thoughts gladly and positively. What did I think about them when I was young? I thought they were my wealth—personal and private wealth. I chose what to share, only for praise from others, and what to hide from people. To tell the truth, in elementary school, my fellow students and I were not willing to share. We only showed off.
We showed off.
I had more friends and teachers liked me more, so I thought I won over her. No more nervousness could hit me. I thought it was time to switch our position in the relation of contact zone. So did the adults. We were mimicking the adults. When I could run fast enough that my mom could not catch me up, when I had no difficulties to read books written Chinese without pinyin, and when I was able to speak Mandarin as good as broadcasts on CCTV, the “ropes” pulling me closer to grown-ups. Grown-ups meant having the able to protect themselves and others for me then.
I thought I was safe until I realized how the world looks like, though the world is supposed to be much larger than what I see now.
Stay home and hide myself, or I will never be safe.
“No one was excluded, and no one was safe.”(Pratt p.39)