January 25, 2015 - 14:35
One evening during my freshmen year at Haverford, my friends and I went to the Dining Center to eat dinner. We ate and talked about our days as usual, but our conversation took an unfortunate turn. My friends, who I regarded as generally aware and sensitive to multicultural issues, began commenting on the group of Chinese international students sitting next to us, who were speaking in Chinese. They made comments ranging from insensitive to xenophobic like, "I don't understand why they are speaking in Chinese. If they are in America they should speak in English," or "I really don't like how they always stick together." When my friends made those comments, I felt like they were almost talking about my parents, who, despite having lived in America for 15 years, do not feel American. Their language barrier is larger than any physical barrier that exists, which, I think, rings true for many immigrants.
I am incredibly lucky that I came to America right as I was about to start kindergarten. Of course, I couldn't speak English very well, but I didn't have to catch up on any formal schooling and was able to enter school almost immediately after I immigrated from Korea. I had very supportive teachers and ESL coaches who understood if I had trouble speaking and would help me develop my understanding of English. My parents, however, did not have the opportunity to learn English in Korea or when they arrived here, so they do not have a full grasp of English. Although they have been living in America for over 15 years, they are still not fully comfortable speaking and writing in English, despite the time and effort they have both put in. My mom, especially, is very self-conscious of her accent and her grammar and is hesitant to communicate in English unless absolutely necessary. She will sometimes send me copies of emails or other written documents so that I can proofread them before she sends them. Because both of my parents are uncomfortable with English, they prefer to spend time with other Koreans at work, church, or social gatherings.
Although my friends' comments bothered me, I did not say anything. For some reason, I was scared to speak. It felt like there is a language barrier for me even though there shouldn't be one. I haven't had the chance to talk to them about this incident still, and I don't know if I ever will. They have probably forgotten about what they said, but their comments remain with me and sometime make me feel uncomfortable when I am around them. This incident makes me question whether or not it is my responsibility to intervene or to talk to my friends when they say something insensitive or hurtful. Is it the job of the minority to educate the majority about the struggles of being a part of the minority?