September 22, 2014 - 19:13
Anxiety is certainly the word that comes to mind with this prospective trip. There was certainly relief too - nothing felt especially institutional/clinical, and there wasn't some grand expectation of knowledge or understanding that was beyond me.
But this mixture of feeling now has me questioning more and more about the project than before, trying to figure out what will happen on-site. Basically, I really identified with how @Hummingbird worded things:
"Is it possible to feel simultaneously more settled and more anxious about this upcoming trip to Camphill? ... I'm also feeling ... a little bit like I'm floating, since we don't know yet what the itinerary will be. How much time each day will be spent working on the portraits and how much will be spent doing other work? I'm feeling intimidated by the idea that we might have six hour days of working..."
Surprises, Noted Observations:
I found that not everything was perfectly accessible, which part of me wasn't prepared for; certainly it makes sense that the gardens, for example, might not be, but I still think I had expected literally every aspect to be navigable, include powered doors, etc.
I was very surprised to hear how the camp operates around money. I think I had also some sort of unconscious expectation here as well - that there was greater government or organization funding somehow rather than aid somewhat like a college institution operates.
Thoughts on Ethical Representation:
More than ever I'm worried about my artistic skills, especially when I am already worried about having to imagine first what the portrait should look like in order to present something both ethical and representative of the person's identity.
Connections to Texts
- Interdependence; Eli Clare: Our guide's introductory speech during lunch reminded me much of Clare's writing and his introductory chapter to his book. She mentioned the focus on interdependence, which is something that Clare poses as important in describing his mountain hike. While living communally like this isn't exactly as strenuous a task as mountain climbing, the parallel seemed similar since everyone works doing what they can to support the community as a whole.
- Costume; Garland-Thomson: This was not something I had considered in detail until we got into the weaving area of the camp. I saw the numerous shawls and scarves lining the walls and shop area and realized that there is a great chance that "costume" in the sense of the portrait would involve more than just "what are you wearing today" given that the portrait would be done over a week-long period. What if the person wore something they had made? How should this portrayal of costume be really thought about given we may never see someone's favorite or most meaningful outfit in our short amount of time?