December 17, 2014 - 18:15
It’s been hard for me to think back on who I was before this 360. I feel so grounded because of this entire experience. Not only have my academic interests grown but also my voice. I have become so much more open and accepting of the person I am. Like I said in my reflection meeting, I have begun to write my own script instead of trying to figure out what other want me to write.
My idea of academia is so much more fluid and centered around my abilities in the moment rather than compromising my physical and mental health. Before this 360 I was fearful of ever asking for extensions and had a hard time not being intimidated by professors. I felt lower than others if I wasn’t processing at the same rate or didn’t understand something. This 360 has created bonds that I don’t think could ever be broken, with every member as well as with myself. I now am able to give myself breaks and times to breathe as well as accept that not every deadline can be made and it’s not the end of the world.
I realize that I had a hard time making consistent posts on serendip. Like we discussed in our reflection discussion, a lot of the reason for that was my own stress about what I thought I needed to say in each post as well as the fact it takes me a long time to process. When I spoke in class about feeling suffocated I was referencing to the amount of mental work and focus it took just to process the discussions we had in each class and trip and the balancing of writing papers and posts while doing so. As this 360 is coming to a close I am so grateful for how understanding each professor has been. I loved every minute of our heated discussions (especially in Anne’s class) but I always left with what felt like a heavy head filled with thoughts that I couldn’t quite put into words yet. Although these moments were the most tiring they were also the most rewarding. Through these intense and sometimes emotional discussions I have began to look at not only the “system” critically but also myself. I think it was really difficult at first to realize how problematic a lot of my thoughts and ideas were when I first came in. I remember when our group had our first upset and Anne pointed out that our definitions of respect may be completely different due to our varying backgrounds. It was really eye opening to understand concepts that now seem so simple to me. I find myself constantly questioning every opinion I have as well as the world around me. I think my transition into this thought process was also paralyzing because it was new and at first very depressing. Now at the end of the semester I am so happy that I am able to do so and instead of finding it paralyzing, I find it freeing. I have the ability to change my world and others.
Working in the group of twelve was a little intimidating at first being that I didn’t know anyone else in the group too well before I came in. As I grew to know each fellow 360er on an individual level I began to be more comfortable in the classroom. They have supported me and aided my growth in so many ways and I don’t think this experience would’ve been the same without them. It’s hard to believe that I barely knew them in August and now they feel like family.
This 360 has truly impacted my life as a whole. I know that it will be one of my most cherished memories of Bryn Mawr when I leave.