December 18, 2014 - 08:59
Our 360 has, for me, been a space for learning, engaging, discussing, and listening, a space unlike any I have been in before and, in all likelihood, will be in again. I’ve never been so wholly invested in a class—emotionally for sure, and also in the content and work. I’ve never enjoyed writing essays as much as I have here (nor have I ever had so much freedom), and I’ve never looked forward so much to class (or been so sad about not being able to be present).
I absolutely loved our art component. It was an amazing break from everything else we focus on—in the 360 but also at college in general—to have such a strong emphasis on, and to so strongly value, creativity, learning, and imperfection. I loved learning how to draw, I loved watching myself improve. I loved studying and exploring my identity—my past, my family, my character, my values—in creating my pieces, and I loved watching myself improve. For me, at least, the art component had a tremendous impact on my learning and how I experienced our cluster and the theme of identity.
I learned a lot about myself, as well. I learned about who I am as a student, how I run emotionally, how to take care of myself and listen to myself, and how to open myself up in a classroom and on paper (or on Serendip). Meeting with Anne, Kristin, and Sara, I realized that this semester has been the first time I’ve allowed myself to have emotions in academics. Largely thanks to the concussion (a curse but also a blessing, I suppose), I’ve come to be more forgiving of myself workwise, and am a much firmer believer in knowing my limits and not sacrificing my well-being for academics. As a result, I’m less strict with my writing; whereas I’ve been trained up until now to be impersonal and formal and perfectionistic, I’m now comfortable with being a little less formulaic and instead informing my writing by my own experiences. I framed my most recent essay for Kristin around my own experiences, something I never would have been comfortable doing prior to this semester (in fact, up until fall of last year, I’d never even used “I” in a paper). I’ve never felt fully comfortable with that formulaic and impersonal kind of academic writing, nor with the complicated theory and big words and loftiness academia seems to favor.
Unlike many other Mawrters, I could never see myself staying in school for so long, and I certainly could never see myself researching or teaching in the university setting. In our 360, though, I’ve never felt out of place in the way I’ve felt in other classes. For one, our approach enabled the style of writing I just described, one that I’ve found suits me quite well. Furthermore, we’ve really integrated our work with elucidating discussion of our readings and also other materials—movies, articles, posts on Serendip—and our own narratives—like our listening conversations, themes from other classes, campus happenings, personal anecdotes. These discussions, both post-concussion and overall, have been fundamental in my learning, as the academic journal articles many classes (especially in the social sciences) tend to favor always tend to go right over my head. I greatly appreciated as well the variety of readings we did, combining readings like those with personal essays, novels, our memoirs, and films. For the first time, class felt truly accessible for me, and I, in turn, felt tremendously engaged and involved. I rarely felt like I didn’t understand what we were talking about or like I was somehow a worse student for struggling to understand theory and academic writing. Instead, I was invested in our conversations, in listening and learning, in understanding, in thinking.
This semester has been the hardest semester I’ve had, but it’s also been the easiest and the most incredible. I was challenged and pushed to my limits, yet somehow, everything felt right, natural. The cluster was cohesive and, in the end, everything pulled together. Not to be a sap, but since it’s been on my mind (Haffner was apparently going through a Wicked phase yesterday during lunch): “Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?/I do believe I have been changed for the better/Because I knew you/I have been changed for good.”