October 4, 2015 - 20:52
This latest prison experience was definitely a much more personal one. I felt like we were definitely making deep connections with the text; it took the concepts we have been discussing/were discussing to a new level. I found it really unfortunate having to cut off conversation to move us forward, because I thought it was an excellent experience. Their openness and willingness to debate and think critically about the world and the system that has put them in prison was incredible. The energy felt so present, and alert, and interested. “Citizen” became so much more vivid while discussing it with them.
When we did the thought train, I was also really fascinated by the quotes we chose. They all ended up flowing together really well, and I feel like we somehow managed to hit many of the striking parts of the story. There were also, amazingly, no repeats. It was really enjoyable, especially feeling the way people reacted to quotes and seeing which ones everyone chose. I hope we can continue to do these as we read more literature this semester- I would honestly be really interested in doing these in our regular classes. It’s more involved than just letting everyone in the circle read a quote in order. You also feel more connected with everyone else- it’s like the energy exercise Kieres led us in; you have to really pay attention to the feel and emotional place of everyone around you.
I was also very excited by the creative writing portion; it was very personal and touching. People took it to really deep places. One of the women pointed out the value of Rankine’s form of writing, how it allows us to share really personal stories without asking us to explain the full details of those narratives. You can better focus on the emotional impacts involved.
To be entirely honest, this is a very stiff post for a reason. I tried to write this for the due time (5PM), and couldn’t. I tried to get it done earlier, and couldn’t. I’m afraid right now. I’m terrified. I can't think straight.
This is not my best work, and I will never claim it is. But all I can think about right now is all those conversations we had in class about the purpose of prisons; we spent a long time ragging on their existence. We complained and argued for their dismantlement.
I am a hypocrite. Right now I am sitting in my dorm common room, just desperately trying to think of anything we have read or specifically discussed, but I’m afraid. I can’t tell my customs group how scared I am. I’m trying to be comforting, but all I want is for this person, this coward from 4Chan, to be found and locked away. I know it’s wrong to be wishing so hard that the prison system was effective and even more powerful, but I’m scared. I do not feel safe.
Part of the reason prisons exist the way they do is this type of fear; for some, though, I think this fear is much more present. This is the first time I’ve experienced this. All I can think about is how much I don’t want anyone to be hurt.
Be safe tomorrow everyone.