October 10, 2015 - 17:36
Elena Luedy
Professor Cohen
E-Sem
10/8/15
Wild About Wild
Wild, a riveting memoir by Cheryl Strayed, talks about her experiences hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and what lead her to start the difficult journey. Throughout the story, Strayed uses juxtaposition to tell her story, alternating between her life before and during the PCT. While reading the book, the audience comes to realize that the story is not so much about the wilderness of the trail itself, but Strayed’s internal wild.
Initially, I believed the premise of Wild to be a focused on the wilderness. Upon reading the book however, I learned that it was instead focused more on Strayed’s emotional journey. Strayed does not live off the land, indeed the majority of the food she talks about are the hamburgers, milkshakes and candy bars. “It was a restaurant. With food. I might as well have been a German Shepard, I could smell it as soon as I got out of the car” (Strayed 2012 p146). Here, Strayed compares herself to a dog, feeling more like a wild animal than a human being. Strayed has not been living off the land, she spends her $20 mostly on junk food. Additionally, Strayed does not frequently sleep outdoors, she pitches her tent and sleeps under that. The one time she did sleep under the stars, she awoke to being very heavily surrounded by nature in the form of frogs. (Strayed 2012) This sudden emersion scares Strayed, and she does not attempt it again. Throughout her journey, Strayed is often surprised when she encounters the fauna of the PCT. One would think that hiking out in nature Strayed would expect these creatures, as she is intruding on their space rather than them intruding on hers. The way the book portrays the wilderness, we as readers can assume that Strayed’s main focus was not becoming one with nature, or living within the wilderness. Instead, we see Strayed tackling the mountains within herself, dealing with the wild that as sprung up inside her soul.
Early on in the story we learn of Strayed’s mother’s illness and eventual death. The decline of her mother’s health is a pivotal in Strayed’s life. Before her mother’s death, Strayed could be affectionately called ‘headstrong’. Even as a young child, she refused to get out of the bathtub, holding her breath until she passed out (Strayed 2012). Her mom waited patiently for her to calm down, as her mom always did. Even as an adult, Strayed’s mother was the one who would be the Yin to her Yang. “”God damn it,” I said. “Help me.” My mother looked down at me and didn’t say a word for several moments. “Honey,” she said eventually, gazing at me, her hand reaching to stroke the top of my head.” (Strayed 2005 p20). Strayed’s mother was always there to calm down her daughter, and her absence in Strayed’s life is like dropping a rock in a calm pool, and the ripples create a lasting effect on her life.
Following Strayed’s mother’s death, Strayed starts to go off the rails. At first, she starts to have extramarital affairs, drawing the line at kissing other men (Strayed 2012). It doesn’t take long for her to start to have sex with other men. She constantly feels the need to have someone with her, just the weight of another person there to help fill the emptiness she felt in her heart. At one point she even meets a man by the name of Joe, with whom she begins to do heroin with. “In the afternoon I’d return with another wad of cash to buy another bit of heroin and I’d think: Yes I get to do this. I get to waste my life. I get to be Junk.” (Strayed 2012 p53). With Joe she becomes pregnant, aborting the fetus and setting out on her journey toward hiking the PCT.
At first, hiking the PCT seems like just another self-destructive action taken by Strayed to punish herself over her bereavement for her mother. Old habits die hard, as in the beginning she continues to lust for the touch of another human being. “I could go to a bar. I could let a man buy me a drink. We could be back here in a flash” (Strayed 2012 p31). As her journey progresses, Strayed begins to appreciate just the company of another human being. Many days, even weeks would go by without her even seeing another person. In the end, we do not see that Strayed’s behavior has changed. What we do see, is that she has come to terms with herself and her mother’s death. No longer has she thought of her mother’s death with guilt, but with acceptance. By swallowing her mother’s ashes, she is symbolically keeping a piece of her mother with her, not letting go of her death, but carrying it with her as a new chapter of her life. In the end, we learn that Strayed is married with two young children. We do not get to see what happened between the end of the hike and the writing of the book, but we can infer that she is in a much better place emotionally than the woman shooting heroin on a futon.
Strayed’s memoir Wild was not intended to be and is not to be used as a how to PCT hiking manual. Instead, it’s a way for her to convey her struggle to accept her mother’s passing. Cheryl Strayed hiked the PCT without backpacking experience, without money, and by herself. Whether her end goal was to ‘find herself’ or not, the PCT definitely helped her come to terms with her own wilderness.
Works Cited
Strayed, Cheryl. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2012. Print.