December 16, 2015 - 16:00
I think this class was just what I needed, right when I needed it. I have to say though, I do think I lucked out with this ESEM based on the moans and groans of some of my other first-year peers. At the start of the course I was unsure about things, especially about Anne. The only educator in my life who’s ever made me feel so capable has been my mother. Even in English courses in high school, I always performed well, and my teachers took note of that, but the relationships formed, however pleasant, weren’t challenging. Thank you, Anne.
Rereading my first essays has me feeling a bit embarrassed, but accomplished nonetheless. It feels like I’ve written so much more than what’s on Serendip, but I think that’s due to the fact that so much of what I wrote was melting between philosophy and journaling. This class really became a space for me to bend and twist. Anne pushed me. There were so many times when I wanted to talk about something; I would be bursting at the seams waiting for our conference when I could divulge some new concept we covered in a reading.
That process of discovery really characterizes the entire course for me. I was so engrossed in our texts that class discussion felt alive, even when I was on a different wavelength. The “Black and Bryn Mawr” week really marks a shift in my participation in the course I think. Up until that point, I didn’t feel like I had grounded myself in the environment aspect of things, but in retrospect, it seems like this was the real turning point. Things were messy and dramatic, and then I got sick, so I let it go. I really appreciate the learning that went on during that time. Around this time is when the issue of listening came about too. Anne and I spoke at length about adjusting my role in the classroom, because I’d gotten a bit lost in the excitement of participation, so much so that I wasn’t creating an inviting space for those less-likely to engage. It took a few classes to find some balance, but I think I did grow as a student. My own learning really is enhanced by the learning of others. Thank you, Anne. The international students were so, so vital to our classroom. I am so incredibly grateful to have shared that space with these brilliant women. Thank you all.
As I mentioned before, the reading in this class was by far my favorite bit. I found myself falling in love with words again. Coming into the course, it seemed like my writing was floating on its own, without reflection, but the different texts we read pushed me to re-see my words. It was no longer about making things pretty and perfect, but making them true and centered. While I didn’t enjoy Wild, I still felt like our discussions of the novel impacted the way I wanted to tell my own narrative. Having Maryam by my side during this course meant a lot to me. We came into the course as quick friends, but the growing we did during this semester was greatly due to the mutual exhaustion and writer’s block. Her insights in class and out of class helped me to loosen the haze around so many of my own ideas. Thank you, Maryam.
The six-week project Akane and I worked on together was really interesting. I wish I had better-organized my time however, because so much of it was rushed. Regardless, I think some really important digging was done, even if it only just broke the surface.
I’ve written so much about my new perceptions on identity and environment, and their relationship, but it really was best summarized in one of my last essays: our readings have only encouraged me to feel and experience this environment as an extension, a reflection, a dimension of myself. From our many conversations about walking on the grass, to my own incorporation of Nietzsche and Foucault, this course has forced me to reconsider myself.
Thank you all for being a part of this course with me. Thank you, Anne, for creating this space, and pushing us to keep rethinking it, over and over and over again.