The ESEM Experience

Our Changing Our Stories, Shifting Our Identities, and Altering Our Environments ESEM is a class that I ended up enjoying so much more than I thought I would. Back in the summer, I distinctly remember meticulously reading through all the ESEM choices, trying to decide which would be the best for me. I was fully determined to take a class focused on social issues of race, inequality, and poverty that would help me become a stronger writer. I picked three that seemed to meet these goals. When I realized on the first day of class that our ESEM was about the intersection between identity and environment, I was a little disappointed. I could deal with the identity part – but environment? I thought “Altering our Environments” in the title had metaphorically referred to our surrounding communities – not the actual, physical, natural environment. I didn’t sign up for a science course; what had I gotten myself into?

The beginning was hard. I had a rough time getting through the heavy readings, and I’d often shamefully come to class without truly understanding what the previous reading had been about. I wanted to participate in class discussions, but I realized I could barely speak if I had no idea what was going. So for a large part of the beginning, I observed. Whenever I could, I’d interject and offer an idea – but for most of the time, I really paid attention to Jody and my peers, grateful for this chance to finally understand readings. I’d get frustrated, and I’d be lost for the Friday essays since they were usually responses to readings. But through the gradual passage of time, thought-provoking class discussions, and forcing myself to reread and rewrite, I improved. I can’t pinpoint an exact time in the semester when this happened – it was more a process.

When I first tried reading The Collapse of Western Civilization: A View From the Future by Naomi Oreskes and Erik Conway, I couldn’t even begin to decipher it. There was too much economic jargon, too many scientific references, and too many statistics. I kept falling asleep, but eventually finished the book. I got nothing out of it – I might as well not have read it. When we came to class a few days later, I was sure that my peers and I would be at a consensus; surely this text had been too difficult for anyone to understand! But as class progressed, I realized our class was split: While some did agree with me that the book was too complex to be useful, a surprisingly large number of classmates found it riveting. I looked from classmate to classmate as the book was praised in different ways, and glanced down at my own copy of the book in my hands. Were they really talking about this? Did I even read the same book? How could I have read the entire thing and not gotten anything out of it, the way so many others had? I was frustrated, but mostly intrigued. What had I missed? That night, I tried again. Wide awake and fully focused, I opened to Page 1 and everything changed. It felt like I was reading a different book, something I had never seen before. The book was so fascinating, the tone was so carefully constructed to sound like a scholar from the future, the events were so believable, and I learned so much. I kept reading and reading before I eventually finished it all within hours. I felt enlightened! I thought back to comments I had made earlier that day in class, and was bewildered to find that I no longer agreed with myself. I truly enjoyed the book now. Our class discussions definitely played a big role in this change, as well as my forcing myself to return to the text. This book – now that I actually understand it – makes me want to take classes in Economics and Environmental Studies.

Midway through the semester, I started becoming very interested in the environment part of our course. When I saw how relevant climate change is to us, that environmental justice is an equality issue, and how the Paris climate talks affected us, I realized how important this type of learning was. I was never engrossed with topics of global warming before, but our ESEM course made me reevaluate. In terms of writing skill, I was torn midway through the semester. I knew ESEM existed for all first-years to improve their writing skill and prepare for college-level papers, but I felt like my skills were drowning, going deeper and deeper. I felt like I had grown worse. I came to college knowing how to do well on high school essays. I figured college-level essays would be the same, but this wasn’t so. There were stressful time crunches for our ESEM essays, ambiguous essay prompts, and I now took hours to finish an essay. The conferences with Jody were exceedingly crucial for my writing this semester, proving more and more helpful each time we spoke. I was able to share my concerns about writing with Jody, and she said something that really stuck with me: “I think you are improving. It may not look like it to you, but sometimes you first have to write something messy in order to write something complex. It means your writing is changing.” My weak point throughout the semester was learning to make complex claims. I don’t know if I’ve made a transformation and am suddenly a brilliant claim-writer, but I have an awareness now. While writing an essay, I am now very conscious of what claim I am making and how I can pinpoint a complex argument. Even if I haven’t been able to perfect my claim-writing, I think just having this valuable awareness inside me has made ESEM worth it.

I am happy and nostalgic and proud and appreciative of my ESEM experience. I’m calling it an ‘experience’ rather than a class, because I think that’s what it truly was in disguise – an experience for all of us to learn and grow from each other. I have so many lovely memories of our class – having class amidst nature in Taft Garden, our various barometers, collectively hating on Elliot Rhodes, discussing slippage within the Bryn Mawr community, and exploring our six week projects. I’m going to miss Jody, our classmates, our cozy Taylor room, and the rich conversations we’d share twice a week. I’ve learned a lot, I’ve changed a lot, and I’m thankful for everyone and everything that helped make this possible. The ESEM experience truly gave me something that I cannot describe or hold or name, but it is something that I know and sustain and feel inside.