October 25, 2016 - 22:58
adding more to this in the morning when im not sleepy!!
so i loved our time with SLP. Black People, Making Things is something I think about a lot... It's something I theorize about... so YES, what a wonderful moment. her comments about the writing process seemed especially resonant for me... I'm in a funk w/ my writing (when am I not tho?)... "It's like youre a house that's haunted" oOooOoOoOoo.... I have really moved away from my creative writing since being in college - maybe a good thing, bc I really wasn't good - but it was something I enjoyed. Prose is great but academia has ruined it for me... makes it so fucking difficult to just get in and get out, too much pressure no matter the subject matter... I used to consider myself an essayist, which now seems laughable considering I haven't written a formal, critical paper all semester... the tangible, material part of thinking has left me, so SLP saying things like "density" and "showing up" gave me a much better sense of what process really feels like as opposed to profs and friends who tell me to "just do it/get over it/outline/outline/outline/outline/outline." my ideas aren't coming through as words, they feel human, secret/restless/cautious/scared. I need help maybe? Help to support them, but I'm also human, secret/restless/cautious/scared of them, and of sharing them; they feel precious.
it's hard though too, bc SLP was talking about just putting in grit work during undergrad and only after that having the ability to write what she wants.... fuck! this!
