November 10, 2016 - 00:02
Last class and the electtion results both sent me into a downward spiral of emotions. I began my position in the childbearing discussion with this qute from Richard Wright's 12 Million Black Voices: The American Negro, His History and Literature
"Altways our deepest love is toward those children of our who turn their backs upon our way of life, for our instincts tells us that those brave ones who struggle against the death are ones who bring new life into the world, even though they die to do so, even though our hearts broke when they do"
I shouldn't have done it. Every time I read a text by Baldwin I add on some reading of Wright's work because that is how I was introduced to both writers/how they make the most sense to me. Between the World and Me is additionally difficult for me to read. We have all certain skeletons in our closets, but mine consists of leaving behind a life of abuse in varying degrees, mal practice and judgement. I don't hide it, but it is also never a story that I can claim here because it gets co opted into justifiying libertarian/ democrat initiatives of change or is overlooked given the other privileges I have. Yet, they still haunt my conscious amidst the chaos of BMC. I still get calls, return home to it and see it on my various timelines. It never completely shuts off, which is why I group my mother (an dlarger family) into the demographic Wright is describing above. My mother cried the day I received my acceptance to BMC after a long four years of highschool. I lived in and outside of my home during high school..partially out of deviance, and the other for convenience. Making it to college after barely finishing high school was a blessing. It was the ultimate pass to leave it all. I was looked down upon by my community for leaving my family, but I would have died back in Boston. To refer back to my previous post, I thank my parents for giving me the dirve to get here/ stay here. It has become a project about proving to everyone that I wasn't the kid they thought I was.
Amidst the chaos of our Nation's decision to elect Trump as president I am reminded of all these things. My family is not supported in any way. We are all affected and I hope the pissin gcontest in our class can be put on a pause to allow fro those true nuances to be noticed. Everyone based on age, race, disability, sexuality and gender are affected. It is terrifying. As a kid that left home to do nothing but dream, it has been heartbreaking to watch them all crumble under the weight of the unknown. Under those who decide to ignore the complexities in the way one can grieve... I stand with any/everyone I can. I had to leave class to not breakdown on Tuesday, but my inveestment is deep and is my own. I like to do it more queitly, but I am still here.