Thinking Sex: Representing Desire and Difference
A Feminist and Gender Studies Course
Bryn Mawr College, Fall, 2002

Please remember, as you do so, that this web forum is a place for PUBLIC conversation. Think about ways in which you can speak honestly, openly and respectfully about what you have learned, in a way that it can be heard in a forum that is larger than our class, in a way that can be read, in particular, by both the clients and service providers @ your field sites. Think, in other words, about how to say what it is you really think, in a way that is mindful of how it might be heard by others--not just the members of our class--who are invested in the larger conversation.

Looking forward to hearing your further thinking--
Anne

A Special Lecture by Judith Houck
University of Wisconsin-Madison
"The Social History of a Biological Process, Menopause,1897-1980"

5 December, Thursday
4:00 PM, Park Building, Room 338
3:30 PM, Refreshments, Room 338

Judith Houck is assistant professor at the University of Wisconsin Madison with appointments in the departments of Medical History, Women's Studies, and the History of Science and the Center of Women's Health and Women's  Health Research. Her research centers on the history of women's health. She is currently finishing a book on the history of menopause, tentatively titled, More than Hot and Bothered: Women, Medicine, and Menopause in America, 1897-2000. Her next project focuses on the women's health movement
in the United States, 1969-2000.

For information, please contact Tomomi Kinukawa at tkinukaw@brynmawr.edu.

I'll write more later if I think of other things I want to say. In the mean time, good luck ladies!

There is an elderly woman in a nursing who steals a wheelchair and begins racing around the halls. As she passes an open room, an elderly man jumps out, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I believe you were speeding. I need to see your driver's license." The woman digs around in her purse and pulls out a candy wrapper. The man examines it, hands it back and sends her off.

Back she goes again racing up and down the halls. Again, the man pulls her over. "Ma'am, I think you crossed the center line back there, can I see your registration?" The woman pulls out a receipt. Again, the man looks it over, returns it and sends her on her way.

She goes again, weaving all over, up and down the halls. As she passes the old man's room, out he jumps, stark naked with an erection. "Oh no!" says the old woman, "Not the breathilizer test again!"

being critical, questioning and doubting are great... but never forget to look back and see how far the thing we are doubting, questioning bring us so far in our conversation, in life... (just a little thought =] )

Perhaps asking ourselves, @ this point in the semester, what we have learned from our sites, and from our engagements w/ the people who come and work and live there, might take us further than the interrogatory mode we've been using so far. What did we NOT know, three months ago, that we know now, from having gone into a space we hadn't been before? What has OUR curriculum looked like, and what else do WE need to know, in order to fill in the gaps in our own (sexuality) education?

We also vetted today a number of questions which had been raised (for me, @ least) in Tuesday's presentations: is it possible to do a presentation about the subjects you are studying, which they themselves can comfortably hear? What might that look/sound like? What right have we (do we have the right? and do we have permission?) to tell others' stories? What responsibilites do we have, to tell them respectfully?

Anne

I'm in and out of reading a book by Michael Warner entitled, "The Trouble with Normal," discussing his opposition (and also the opposition of many gay men and women for decades) to legalizing same-sex marriage because of his opposition to marriage in general. Towards the middle of the book, he includes a list (which I include below) of reasons the gay movement has resisted pushing a platform demanding legalization of marriage and I think that it offers some interesting points to consider, especially in response to Jennifer and Louise's questions about marriage and same-sex marriage.

It called attention to the mythology by which marriage is idealized.
It recognized the diversity of sexual and intimate relations as worthy of respect and protection.
Indeed, it cultivated unprecedented kinds of commonality, intimacy, and public life.
It resisted any attempt to make the norms of such straight culture into the standards by which queer life should be measured.
It especially resisted the notion that the state should be allowed to accord legitimacy to some kinds of consensual sex but not others, or to confer respectability on some people's sexuality but not others.
It insisted that much of what was taken to be morality, respectability, or decorum was, in practice, a way of regulating sexual pleasures and relations.
It taught that any self-esteem worth having must not be purchased by a disavowal of sex; It must include esteem for one's sexual relations and pleasures, no matter how despised by others.
It made itself alert to the invidiousness of any institution, like marriage, that is designed both to reward those inside it and to discipline those outside it: adulterers, prostitutes, divorcees, the promiscuous, single people, unwed parents, those below the age of consent—in short, all those who became, for the purposes of marriage, queer.
It insisted that any vision of sexual justice begin by considering the unrecognized dignity of these outcasts, the ways of living they represent, and the hierarchies of abjection that make them secondary, invisible, or deviant.
It became alert on principle to the danger that those same hierarchies would continue to structure the thought of the gay and lesbian movement itself—whether through "internalized homophobia," in-group hostility, or simply through the perspective unconsciously embedded in so much of our thought and perception.
It tried to correct for the tendency of U.S. debates to ignore other societies, on whom they nevertheless have an impact.

In thinking about the likening of marriage to prostitution, I've come to the tentative conclusion that the prostitution component of the analogy comes into play not as much within the couple but as within the society. The fact that marriage is a discriminatory institution against all of the above mentioned individuals (adulterers, prostitutes, divorcees, the promiscuous, single people, unwed parents, those below the age of consent), likens them ALL to the prostitute who remains unprotected by the law. By denying all these individuals and couples legal rights, lawmakers are essentially declaring their existence worthy of punishment and inflicting upon them the same gruesome injustice that they have inflicted on the unprotected sex worker.

    Always learning--(and always grateful for the nudge to do so)--
Anne

"As part of an aggressive effort to curb a rampant sexually transmitted disease among teenagers, the Philadelphia Department of Public Health will provide voluntary screening at all city high schools.

Health Department officials said that up to 30,000 students are expected to be tested for chlamydia--a common bacterial infection that can damage reproductive organs and lead to infertility. They said the disease has become epidemic among 15- to 19-year-old Philadelphia females, with a citywide infection rate of about 1 in 12.

In two high schools where the education and screening program was tried last year, the figure was even higher: One of every six girls taking the test had the disease. Health Department data showed about 5 percent of the boys were infected....

Paul G. Vallas, the school district's chief executive...called the project a 'no-brainer....It is an abstinence-first philosophy, and we have to take it up a notch,' Vallas said. 'This is high-risk behavior, and there are consequences.'"

I agree with what Anne has already said in her earlier posting, stating, "I'm thinking that the critical mode I've been advocating--"what is wrong here? what is missing? how can we fix it?"--may not be the most helpful one."

The group volunteering at the site for queer youth expressed a lot of frustration at being treated as "outsiders" by the people at their site.

As I listened to the well intentioned attempts at bridging the gap between them and the people at their sites, I wondered whether or not the gap was being furthered by their lack of understanding. It seemed that the students in our class felt the fault was more a flaw of the organization and the people at the organization than within the things they were attempting to do with the groups. For example, two students stated that they tried to get the youth at the site to read a poem and then another time they played music during an art session, but the youth werent into it. The two students from our class were very frustrated by this (as would I be if I were them), and as they explained their frustration, all I thought was "Did they ever think that reading may not be the way to "get" these kids? Did they ever stop to think that teenagers have fears about reading/performing in front of their peers? Did they ever stop to think that some of these teenagers cant read? What kind of music did you play? Is it the type of music that these (inner city, majority people of color) youth identify with?"

I think one of the biggest problems we all have in entering our praxis sites is that we are mainly "outsiders" coming in to a space that has not been created by us or for us. Even if we percieve ourselves as being "insiders" with the group, I can still understand why some people would not be so happy with our presence in these environments, but why there may be a need for an outsiders perspective. The best way for me to summarize this is to cite the first paragraph of Zora Neale Hurston's, Mules and Men . She writes:

"I was glad when somebody told me, "You may go and collect Negro folklore."

In a way it would not be a new experience for me. When I pitched headforemost into the world I landed in in the crib of negroism. From the earliest rocking of my cradle, I had known about the capers Brer Rabbit is apt to cut and what Squinch Owl says from the house top. But it was fitting like a tight chemise. I couldn't see it for wearing it. It was only when I was off in college, away from my native surroundings that I could see myself like somebody else and stand off and look at my garment. Then I had to have the spyglass of Anthropology to look through at that." (introduction)

I think that we should keep in mind that our complex positions as "outsiders" peering through the "spyglass of anthropology" (even to things that appear familiar to us) to our sites is beneficial in some way, but that we should also remain careful of being too critical. An organization may be full of "insiders" blinding it from seeing things it may not see are problems. However, we should not forget our own blind spots as "outsiders"--- there may be a dynamic/people/programs that are occurring within our sites that go unnamed, yet keep things functioning and, I dont think it is out right to impose our visions of what we think is "faulty," when we may not understand the whole picture.

-Direct Action Organizing
-Public Speaking
-Leadership Skills
-Facilitation Skills
-Use of art/culture as activist tool
-Empowerment

I think learning all of these skills may aid the organization in leading disucssions about sex, community, etc. Something like this may help in turning the philly organization for queer youth into a more politically active one. For more info on the Audre Lorde Project, what is does, and info for contacting them by phone/email/mail, there website is:

http://www.alp.org/index.html

The best way to see what kind of events and trainings they have is to go to the calender section.

WEDNESDAY, 12/11, 8am-9am, CHOP, Joseph Stokes Auditorium
"Human Sexuality and HIV in the New Millenium"
A lecture by Wade Cates, NIH HIV Networks
For further inforamation, contact dkurz@sas.upenn.edu

I know that high school kids know people who have had an STD and have had babies, but an in your face test might change things.

I think all schools should have it. In a local Private Acadamy the middle school girls have an outbreak of ghonaria of the throat. It's not just philly, it's the richer neighborhoods too.

Continuing our side conversation concerning sex and food, here is an example of sex in food (?!), sex and food... i dont know how to label this... check it out for yourself and see what you think...

:)

enjoy!

sweet-n-nasty

Today when Bea was talking about the people who go to her praxis site, she mentioned how she often hears them talking about how their god is angry with them, or disapproves. Almost all of the women at my praxis site are very faithful Christians and it amazes me to hear them talk about their religion. They say that God has always been with them and watching out for them or else they never would have made it through what they did, and they wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for God's guidance. The discrepancy between the two praxis sites is really interesting. I'm curious about what causes a difference in faith between two groups of adults who have probably both gone through a lot of difficulties in their lives. (I say probably because I'm assuming about the people that Bea works based on her presentation.) Anyway, that was just something interesting I noticed.

"Too often, police say, school children walk home against a backdrop of users, dealers and prostitutes. Responding to a request from those who live and work in lower Frankford, police mobilized in greater force to help clean things up. While prostitutes are frequently arrested, police decided to also go after those looking for their services. Since the operation began in late spring, 47 men have felt the sting....police can't stop prostitution throughout the city, but they can, at least, help keep it out of some neighborhoods. 'It is the oldest profession in the world...And we'll never completely get rid of it.'"

I think this is a very important question that have not been given adequate time for discussion... is it our society, our make up, our standards that make things wrong... or is it inherent in our nature? how cultural is this perspective and standard? and is it okay for someone who has experienced that kind of relationship to not feel like a victim? since this has to do with young children, there is also the question of at age do we believe children can appropriately interpret their experience... do we accept their perspective when they find that their experience is not negative? or will we denny their perspective because we consider them too young to understand the consequences... but then again, these consequences are what we think they are... not necessarily the way the person feel...

just a thought =]

but (it ocurred to me afterwards; actually, a friend asked me this question, as I was describing our enactment w/ such glee):

"where was the clitoris? hasn't this been a course on sex? what kind of sexual experience can happen w/out....

the clit?"

maybe some students in our class would like
to submit something?!

-elisa
~~~~~~
SLUT issue #4 "the mind"

Slut is the Women's Center annual zine composed of original stories, poems, artwork, songs, and photos. Absolutely anyone can submit their work and everyone is encouraged to do so to get the full spectrum of ideas and opinions. This year's topic is "the mind".

E-mail submissions (sledoux or 2002 TS student) or campus mail to box 1403 by January 27, 2003 (THE EARLIER THE BETTER!!!)

We want to know...

How do you THINK about sex?

What is running through your MIND during that first kiss...that last
kiss..when someone calls you a SLUT...when someone whistles at you from a passing car...

What do you THINK about during class? Or rather who do you THINK about during class...

What is on your MIND?

Inquiring MINDS want to know what you THINK!!!
(submit to SLUT!)

Directions to Anne Dalke's house
410 Oak Lane, Wayne
610-688-7213

Take Lancaster Ave. west through Bryn Mawr,Rosemont,Villanova,St. David's to Wayne.
In center of town, turn right onto N. Wayne Avenue.
Go 3 blocks and turn right, at large fir tree, onto Walnut; then immediately left onto Oak.
I'm in the 2nd block, green house, in the middle, on the left: #410.

Or take Paoli Local (four stops past Bryn Mawr) to Wayne;
walk north on North Wayne Avenue one block;
turn right on Walnut, and immediately left onto Oak:
2nd block, green house on left: #410.

I see the elements: earth, fire, water, and wind. All depend on the others and all sustain the others. At the centre, however, is the biggest element: love. These five elements keep the universe flowing ever onward. This universe is self-centered and small; it could be one of the members of the milky way or it could be a single blood cell. In a way, they're the same...

Humor, like all languages, has its limitations, but I have found that it adds immensely to a sexual experience.

This is not the only language necessary to explore sex by any means. I believe that there are countless languages to aid in this process, and I do not pretend to know what they all are. Perhaps this is one aim for this course--teaching us all different languages that would have not occurred to us before.

I am not sure if these ramblings mean much of anything to anyone, but I can certainly say that this is not a new trend in kids.

For a younger set of kids, there's always going to be the people who make light of the language and the situation, but I firmly believe that it is necessary to give them the option of learning the language. More likely than not, they will learn something even if it's unintentional.

This troubles me not as a control issue but as a fear of not understanding the world at all. I was taught to believe in a solid line between good and bad, right and wrong, etc. This discussion has smudged the line.

On a happier note, I was quite pleased with Professor Grobstein's views on homosexual sex acts. It was thrilling to know that there are at least some biologists who think this way. Quite possibly not at Bob Jones University, but that is a different matter entirely. (They haven't quite reached evolutionism yet...)

A Majestic Love Song

You are beautiful, like prophecies,
and sad, like those that come true,
calm, like the calmness afterward.
Black, like the white lonliness of jasmine.
With sharpened fangs: she-wolf and queen.

Your very short dress is in fashion,
your weeping and laughter come from ancient times,
perhaps from some book of other kings.
I've never seen foam at the mouth of a war horse,
but when you lathered your body with soap
I saw.

You are beautiful like prophecies
that never come true.
And this is the royal scar;
I pass over it with my tongue
and with pointed fingers over that sweet roughness.

With hard shoes you knock
prison bars to and fro around me.

Your wild rings
are the sacred leprosy of your fingers.

Out of the earth emerge
all I wished never to see again:
Pillar and window sill, cornice and jug, broken pieces
of wine.

--Yehuda Amichai

That said, I would like to focus more on Elisa's questions about sex in the law. I do not think that public sex laws have much effect on private sex lives. This is, of course, assuming that the private sex lives are being performed in a private space. People will do bizzarre things in their bedrooms just as they have been for many years, regardless of laws. As long as no one is harmed, I have no objections to these practices.

The fact that a public institution, namely the government, is making decisions about my private sex life is at once troubling and amusing. It is bothersome that the government would assume that it can control what I do in the privacy of my bed. (It would be terrifying if the government actually could control that.) However, it is also amusing that it assumes this. Either G.W. is on another one of his power trips, or someone is grossly misinformed about how much power the government actually has over the privacy of citizens.

I do not think that it is possible to write laws about how people should have sex or whether they should. In order to cover all options, the laws would have to be extremely specific, and because of this, they would be largely verbose and useless. I do not think all sex laws should be eliminated, for sex offenders do not deserve encouragement. All in all, this is a troubling question, and I do not think I can answer it fully.

The art projects that were created are absolutely amazing, and the ones that survived made a trip to Athena. Hopefully, the goddess of wisdom will shine down on all of us a little more for the donations...

My curriculum will be a difficult project. I am not sure how I will be able to create a project that I feel could benefit my site and also be graciously accepted by my site. I do not think that they would use it either way, but I would feel much better if the site would be open to any changes.

I plan on writing a curriculum to help remedy the stagnant population at my site. I feel that if the community is opened more, the site will greatly benefit.

As i went through the postings i came across the posting from the 2 columbia students and my reaction was really frustrating. I put so much effort into trying to think outside of the box. When i heard the 2 columbia students posted, i assumed they were men. Turns out i was wrong. Im not sure why i felt the urge to post this, but it seemed relevant to our class and venting makes me feel better.. perhaps there will be more thoughts on this later...

I had one more though for Elisa's curriculum. You may already have this, but everyone was on a time crunch... anyways, I think it is really important for part of your sex ed curriculum for these kids to be to make them as comfortable as possible with their sexuality. I've seen several people who were sexually abused or raped jump from one night stand to one night stand and from one bad relationship to another. (disclaimer- I am not saying one night stands are bad – am saying that these women I have known haven't really wanted to be in the positions they end up in after their trauma) I think it would be really great for you to do a sex ed curriculum that tried to make these kids comfortable with their sexuality really being theirs.

You could do some really crazy/fun hands on activities. it is really important to reclaim your sexuality after these kinds of trauma, and I think sometimes programs focus too much on teaching these people to PROTECT themselves when they should be learning that it is all right to open up to people (sexually and emotionally). Their instinct is to protect themselves. This can manifest itself in really dichotomized ways. One could really fear sex and intimacy or one could seek out attention by bed hopping. It is really the bed hopping that I am concerned about because I think it becomes so cyclical. If you are looking for affection and just getting one night stands you are going to feel pretty shitty about yourself and your sexuality. Or if you are actively seeking one night stands because you are scared of intimacy beyond that, you haven't emotionally dealt with your past experiences...

I really want all women to be comfortable with their own sexuality. If you are a mono-amorous* (see below) person or a one night only person that's fine as long as that's what you want and you are expressing yourself. The problem I see is that many of these women aren't really expressing themselves, they are expressing their experience.
***********************************************************************
* some of us down in batten house went to visit this commune in VA (twin oaks –its been around since 1967 – feminist – each person works 40 hours a week to sustain the commune and taking care of kids can be counted in that 40 hours- really cool place- great playground "the playground of death" as they call it– nice river – ok that's my plug) and we encountered a new word: polyamorous.

I always hated the words monogamy and polygamy because the "gamy" is woman and that implies that relationships are determined by men and how they define their relationships. And damnit women can have multiple lovers and there should be a term for that. In fact i think there is. I know there is. I can't remember it though. Shows how much that is used. The word was something like, poly + something meaning man. Still implies that gender is polarized. Screw that. Love works. For now at least. Ill find a problem with it later.

Sorry for being so wordy. It happens to all of us...

1. "I put so much effort into trying to think outside of the box. When i heard the 2 columbia students posted, i assumed they were men. Turns out i was wrong."

I don't understand what you are saying here (that thinking outside the box would have meant you intuited that our visitors were female....?)

2. "hey, a woman can get pregnant without recieving the same sexual pleasure her lover recieved."

sure: but since when have we been defining sex as getting pregnant? when chelsea and deborah instructed us to "enact the biological process," why did they tell those of us who were representing female body parts to RESIST the onslaught of the sperm, to keep 'em OUT? and/or why was the goal to get pregnant, rather than be sexually pleasured?

Anne

Also, the point that Elisa brought up about some of the children not thinking the relationship was their 'abuser' was wrong... wow. And Ngoc's comments were also insightful. I think it is very hard for us to think of sexual acts between (as in Elisa's example) fathers and young daughters as okay. The problem of accepting things that we don't understand often confronts us when we are talking about different societies. Would it be different if there were a society that completely accepted those types of relationships? Then would we (Americans? Western culture? Our class?) say that those instances were understandable, maybe even allowable, but that ones in our culture weren't? Or would we say that all such instances should be condemned? Would we feel comfortable condemning people for doing things that their society/culture told them were perfectly acceptable?

First, a BIG thank you to everyone that had some advice for my final project.

Also, a big thank you to Anne for teaching this class, and providing a space for all of us to talk about a topic that usually doesnt get too much direct attention in the classroom.

Finally, I just wanted to say that my feelings walking away from this experience in our classroom are quite similiar to those expressed by Sarah H. above. I too have come to realize the ways in which theory and successful/ meaningful application can be quite far apart. That is not to say, however, that I dont find the value in theory... as a way to create a blueprint or framework that can allow people to think in different ways about--- well, in our case--- sex ed. Many people in our class expressed that many of the students at our praxis sites were all at different levels, and I am guessing that one of the main goals of our praxis experiences is to attempt to develop a theoretical blueprint that could be successful for as many of these people (and ourseleves) as possible.

One more thing!!! For all of those students who were interested in Sex and Music... watch _The Red Violin_. The film traces the "life" and "journeys" of a red violin as it is passed on from person to person. One of these people, a male violinist, composes (and literally plays the violin) as he has sex. It sounds odd, but the director (I think) is quite successful in creating an example of sexual expression in music (as if the music is a language). Check it out if you can!

Alrighty! Thats it for now! Bye! :)

I realize that many of you haven't had a lot of contact with your supervisors, so that this type of collaboration has not been possible in developing your final projects. In spite of this, I have heard about many very creative ideas for curriculum. I have heard ideas which were expressed respectfully and which took into account the particular realities of the field sites.

I know from reading some of the postings, that some students really think their sites need total overhauls. Fortunately I haven't heard about anyone actually attempting to overhaul whole programs through their projects. The final project for this course was not to critique your organization, but rather to figure out a way to create something useful to the organization. Anne and I knew that the sites would not all be able or willing to implement your pieces of curriculum, but we hoped that some would. When I spoke with the supervisors to set up your placements, this is how I described the final project.

I realize that what is planned at the beginning of the semester, and what actually happens, are often very different. I know that some of you really had a hard time connecting to and getting settled in your fieldwork. Thank you for your persistence. Thanks also to those who showed great openness and flexibility in going to sites which were not their first (or second or third)choice.

Being someone who had an observational role in 5th grade classrooms, I really appreciated hearing about all praxis sites we've heard from so far. The diversity in the praxis sites and project possibilities was something I found very valuable to be exposed to. I think it's easy to feel secluded in our Praxis sites, so hearing what everyone else is doing can really expand our horizons.

Some thoughts on everyone's presentations:

HY & Maggie: Their presentation really kind surprised me. The women that they are at their Praxis site have lives that are so different from anything I really have any experience with. I didn't really realize that there would be Praxis sites like theirs.

Fritz & Nia: I can understand the difficult of having an abstinence-based program for a group of people/space that it doesn't seem appropriate. My program is in a public school and by state law Sex Ed and STI Ed must focus on abstinence and cover other contraception. If you'd like to see any of the info I have from my praxis site (the same age groups) let me know.

Ngoc & Monica: The concept of a sex Ed curriculum in relation to religion seems like something very difficult to tackle. There not general two topics that can be brought together without a lot of controversy.

Lindsay U: I definitely agree that the sexuality at your Praxis site is often avoided in the public. I think your idea for your project is great though. Have you thought of including pictures of the people at your site? Or just real people instead of models/advertisements?

2002 TS Student: The project you're working on sounds really cool. Is the site, or would it be part of your project to try and get more females to come to the site?

Emily, Iris, Lauren, and Jill: I feel really bad about the difficulties you've been having at your site. You all mentioned that the space is not very inviting when you enter the site. Have you considered redesigning that space? Making it more inviting? Perhaps having and information/sign in table right near the door which club kind of act as a welcoming station for new people?

Tamina: You were talking about having anonymous e-mail questions. I think using the Internet adds a lot of complications. At my site there is an anonymous question envelope that's left in the students' rooms and they can add questions whenever they want. It's just an idea to consider.

Bea, Sheri, and Nancy: It was really interesting hearing about your sites. I can imagine how difficult to be in a situation where the people have problems processing information and then because of financial issues sex Ed is not a priority.

Elisa: I think it's really interesting that you want the participants to identify themselves as victims. But that brings up a few questions for me... How old are the participants going to be? Can 9 year old identify themselves as a victim? Will the "class" happen w/ in a certain amount of time of the crime?

Chelsea and Deborah: Your exercise in class was a lot of fun and very interesting. But you said it wasn't something you felt would be appropriate given peoples comfort levels. What are you planning to do for your project?

Jenny: It was so interesting hearing about the site that I was originally intended to work at. Thanx!

Everybody else: I can't wait to hear about your projects tonight!

I just wanted to comment on some things that I've noticed throughout the presentations.

Most of us went into our Praxis sites feeling that we are not a part of the site, and I think unfortunately I got the impression from a lot of presentations (esp. Emily, Iris, Lauren and Jill) that we're still not part of the sites.

I don't know how successful a sex Ed curriculum can be if we don't feel invested in the site--- there has to be some genuine desire to improve the situation. Although at the same time, my role was very observational at my Praxis site and I feel that it was very beneficial to me. If I had to be teaching the classes, I don't think I could have really had the opportunity to see/figure out as well what could be improved/changed. I think that I would have been so busy just trying to get through the class and meet the needs of the 30 students in the 40min to be able to actually issues w/ the program.

So I think for someone to be successful in planning a curriculum/program they need to both be invested and separated from the project. To be able to see the program somewhat objectively, but also to still care about the value of the program.

I can't wait to hear about the rest of the sites!
see you tonight!
Jess

How to Use a Vagina and Penis

later
Jess

A comment Chelsea made at the beginning of her presentation, made me feel like I left the impression that I didn't think the medical/biological explanations of the body weren't important at all. This isn't true. I just feel that my site puts more emphasis on the biological explanation and the terminology than is necessary. This is for several reasons. The first being that the information usually just sails over the kids' heads and they don't understand it. The second being that I think the depth that the site emphasizes would be more appropriate for a science class than a class that's ultimate goal is to get kids to be able to make informed, safe decisions about sex.

I'm not getting rid of all of the biology. I'm just cutting it down to concepts and understanding of what happens in the body. (Getting rid of some of the depth and technical terms.)

Just wanted to clear up any confusion
thanx
Jess

This excerpt is taken from the book Secrets of an Irresistible Woman by author Michelle McKinney Hammond

"Yeah, girl it's time to talk about our favorite subject-sex. Now what is sex exactly? Sex is worship. Did you know that? It's important to know what we are dealing with here because this is an area that in a lot of respects is still taboo. Because they don't talk about it, people experiment and use sex for all the wrong reasons. Let's get down to basics and build from there. Everything in the earthly realm has a parallel in the spirit realm. Marriage is the earthly parallel of our union with the Bridegroom, Jesus Christ Himself, in eternity. It is also the reflection of the kingdom living. Sex is the earthly parallel of the oneness we will experience when we finally join with him. The orgasm is the earthly parallel of ecstasy we will feel throughout eternity from that union!"

I believe this is interesting because even as a Christian I never thought about sex in this way before. I do believe that in American culture the sanctity of sex has been lost. Why? I believe we are bombarded with sex, and you can't escape it unless you live in a bubble. Even something as simple as an Herbal Essence commercial suggests sex. There is more to life than sex, and there are ways to experience intimacy without engaging in intercourse. I think that some people mistake sex for intimacy. It is not the same thing!

During the presentation you passed around pamphlet/info that was black and white. I was just wondering if you were going to change(or were thinking about changing) the organization/design of these pamphlets to be more asethically appealing?

I know it seems silly, but people are more likely to read something if it's more aesthically appealing/accessible. If you weren't already thinking about it, perhaps it would be good to ad graphs, colors or change the layout, to make the imformation more appealing (to be read) for people you are trying to serve.

just an idea
Jess

It was midnight and raining.
Your hair was
Slick,
Wet,
Soft to the touch.
Sitting to my left,
I could make out
Only one angle of your
Thin
Red
Lips
Made even redder by the cold.
They parted as you smiled,
Flipping through sheets of scores,
Through compilations of pieces.
I remember
One wet finger
Pushing
Nervously on a black key.
"Harder," I spoke softly.
You turned to me then,
Lifted your free hand to my
Moist cheek
And laid it gently there.
"If you played this for me, I think I'd have to marry you."
My chest hurt and I remember now wanting
To push against you,
To simultaneously pull you in.
I turned back to the keys
And played upon them,
instead.
For then.

His name,Sheri, is Bob Washington, of the Soc Dept here.

Thank You

...all for coming--to the course, into this out-there experiment, to my house for supper last night. I want to close things out w/ another of Sharon Burgmayer's paintings, since she does such a wonderful job of putting into images what I have trouble putting into words @ this time of year. It's called "Withdrawal," and expresses both my sense of the deeply-colored field we explored together, and my sadness that we are now withdrawing from it. (That the image also looks like a woman giving head is probably not @ all irrelevant--is actually wonderfully pun-full-- in the particular context of "Thinking Sex.")

    Yours in gratitude (and withdrawal),

Anne

I wonder how many of us would not have noticed about the resemblence to the women giving head, if you hadn't said anything. :-)

I think at this point we're all so hyper aware of the sexual that we would have noticed.

Thank-you for dinner, for the picture, and most of all for the great class!

later
Jess

as Anne/Elisa had posted earlier
SLUT (BMC's feminist Zine)
is seeking Submissions for the upcoming issue "The Mind"

give me anything and all you have to do with the mind, i would be much obliged. just email me it as a word attachment

thanks
lindsay

When we asked you to write down the first thoughts that came to your mind when we said "sex work" and also to give us reasons why someone would NOT enter the sex industry, we had no idea whether what was returned to us were expressed biases or actual opinions. Though those facts might have been relevant, a 45 min presentation at Anne's house seemed like an inappropriate time to get into people's REAL thoughts on sex work. I'd like to acknowledge that the majority of the US population is uncomfortable with the idea of legalizing sex work. Just like the words you threw out, they believe it is immoral, dirty and dangerous.

In doing some research concerning society's reaction to sex work, I found that in a survey studying attitudes on prostitution policies, 63% of men and 77% of women answered that they thought prostitution involving adults over 18 years old should be made illegal. Another question in the same survey asked participants to answer how much they agreed or disagreed with the following question: "There is nothing inherently wrong with prostitution, so long as the health risks can be minimized. If consenting adults agree to exchange money for sex, that is their business." 25% of men and 40% of women, the highest percentages in both categories, answered that they disagreed strongly. (Sex for Sale, 2000. pp163-165)

While I realize that some may truly consider sex work to be all those words: immoral, dirty and dangerous, I hope that our presentation at least opened up the idea that for some women, an element of choice exists and for others who may have been forced into the industry, they too deserve equal access to health care and to earn the money they work for.

In honest response to Sheri's question of whether we planned on fighting for legalization of sex work, we haven't really thought about it. I think the reason for that is simply because in going through all the information concerning the law as it is written by state and as a country at large, we've realized that legalization is really no where in the immediate future. The point of Redlight is to get the most useful information out there as quickly as possible. We are concerned with the safety and health of these women before anything else.

Thanks to all of you, too. I'm sure that listening to our presentation on the Monday of finals week when there was so much good food to be eaten and vaginas on the mantle to stare out, must not have been easy :)

P.S. Anne, there wasn¡¯t exactly a dick either. Sperm don¡¯t usually crawl across the room and right past the labia on their own.

Hey Anne, that¡¯s a gorgeous picture, but I think it looks like a woman eating out the earth.

if you're interested in learning more about the concept of polyamory which Kathryn mentions above, check out

http://www.sfbayrevolution.org/library/poly.html
http://socalpoly.freeyellow.com/poly101.htm
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/polyamory/faq/

You know...the course has stopped. The issues/questions haven't. Front page of this morning's Philadelphia Inquirer (12/18/02):

"Abstinence stirs passions. A N.J. law is sparking spirited debate over sex education."

Then inside:

"What our children learn--and when,"

including the observation that

"Researchers estimate that nationwide, 50 percent of all teenagers will have sex before they graduate from high school. About one million teenage girls will become pregnant annually, and about four million teenagers will become infected with a sexually transmitted disease such as syphilis, gonorrhea or chlamydia.

'Our goal is: How can we raise sexually healthy individuals? ...I don't think we can do that by not talking about it.''"

Anyway, going back a few days -

Maggie, you said you said you found it interesting how the individuals at our praxis sites differed regarding their views on religion and God... I'm not sure if there is that great of a difference. I realize now that I may have made it seem like they're more frightened of God than anything, but that's not exactly the case. There are quite a few that are very faithful, much like the individuals at your site. They also believe that God has taken care of them, and feel that they may have been a lot worse off were it not for the strength of their belief in a higher being. However, their faith may be strong, but their guilt inhibits them from actually pursuing relationships. Of course, this isn't the case with all the community members. Anyway, it's because of the feelings of guilt that I have observed that I realized it would be difficult to teach them about dating, relationships, and sex if they felt God wouldn't find such talk appropriate. So, I'm trying to figure out a good way of finding a link between sex and religion that would alleviate any guilt they may feel for participating in the curriculum. Not to mention, many of the people I work with are paranoid schizophrenics, and it seems that the worries they experience are much more magnified than our own. So, I'm trying to find a sensitive way of approaching these topics. Any suggestions?

    Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster: Managing Jealousy in Open Relationships        

Models of Open Relationships            

Are You Open to an Alternative Lifestyle?

Have a great vacation everyone! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Take care:)

Love,

Monica

I love this book. I find the dizzying moments of description and obsession as real as any description of love as I have seen.
But I ask how much of this relationship, of any relationship really, is made up of the cliches, the formulation that we learn from fairytales and films...Per was in love to the point of obsession, but what of relationships that are physically intimate without this kind of maddening "love"...? What are the options...?

ORGASM, n.

(gæz()m) [ad. mod.L. orgasmus, a. Gr. type *, f. - to swell as with moisture, be excited or eager. Cf. F. orgasme 'an extreame fit or expression of anger' (Cotgr. 1611).]

1. Immoderate or violent excitement of feeling; rage, fury; a paroxysm of excitement or rage.

2. Physiol. a. Excitement or violent action in an organ or part, accompanied with turgescence; spec. the height of venereal excitement in coition.

b. attrib.

Hence orgasmal a. = ORGASMIC a.

What about the people out there who DON'T experience ORGASM?

I know that you're/they're/we're out there, and I was well aware of my erotic potential before I came anywhere NEAR orgasm. I still consider myself a part of this category and I represent myself and SO many of my friends with the same "problem" when I say that I feel that it comes (no pun intended) not from physical inability to experience orgasm, but from the expectation to do so and the emotional reprecussions of feeling inadequate when things don't go as planned.
Part of the expectation might come from porn (though there seem to be so few female orgasms in porn, I don't think that it can really be blamed...), part may come from a lack of conversation about it and the shame that goes with that, however, my personal opinion is that even information that's available for consultation for the "pre-orgasmic" women can be terribly limiting in the advice that it offers.
It's one thing to tell a woman to masturbate, it's another to explain how, and no one can presume to know or understand the range of what different people will find pleasurable....
If orgasm can be associated with rage and the extreme release of that anger, what if it doesn't happen? SO many people just have to swallow all of that energy back into themselves...Imagine all of it concentrated and compounded by a culture that expects your body to work a certain way by virtue of your gender... sheesh...
I'll get off of my soapbox now...
Thoughts?

what with promises like this one and Winterson's constant mention of measuring love on a scale of loss, here's my question:

When one dies, do they betray the trust of loved ones?
and in the process of grieving, is the loved-one-left-behind enacting selfishness by feeling that loss so acutely?

I would like to think of my grieving-self as NOT inherently selfish, but I'm forced to remember the long dead whose bodies are no longer in existence on the earthly world. They have become a part of the world and with their bodies have faded the memories of their existence...their voices, movements. Their words, their caresses only exist in memory.
What is the value of memories that may be different for the living than for the dead? How do we put that expression into language? How do we begin to discuss it?
I'm overwhelmed...

I'm frustrated.
No, not like that.

I'm one of the Feminist & Gender Studies Majors and every semester, usually once or twice, I have one of these meltdowns where I just get so overwhelmed and concerned for women and sexual/gender minorities on this planet! (This time it was Bob Washington's talk that got me...)

May I rant for a moment?

It's just that AIDS is such a huge issue in Africa [and everywhere], and rape is still a military tactic to humiliate and demoralize a population by infecting and tearing down the women....
And for anyone to realize the devestating potential of such a strategy they MUST acknowledge that women are IMPORTANT!
They/we play an integral role in every part of society, and nearly everywhere they/we bear and care for the children...and it's just cruel...
and I don't even know where to begin in this quest of mine to protect everyone.

There's just so much where sex is tied with power and control, and perhaps it's the biological nature of any sexual relationship to include some kind of power dynamic, but I'm afriad for women (and everybody else I just mentioned), that sex will never be an exciting, free exchange when in some parts of the world, and indeed, in the United States as well, it is a malicious tactic. It breaks my heart and leaves me with so many doubts.. What is the true nature of humanity? And how narrow is the line between loving and hating?

"dinna!"-LH

As far as thoughts go, I find myself rejuvinated. If "the point of sex is to try out something new, something that has never existed before" than one can concieve of individual sexual encounters and their products, whether they are orgasms and the release of energy, or brand spankin' new human beings, or just a whole lot of wetness, every version has some kind of impact, and thus, some kind of value.
So, whether you're into one-time-only, no attachment, exciting, spontaneous sex, or long-term monagamous serious reproductive sex, or sex with lots of people, or sex with different people. Sex with men, or women, ir both or neither or inbetween. If you're a virgin or a victim of rape, or a rapist, or a sex worker, or a housewife, or a professor, or a doctor or a circus performer or a swimmer...you have this right to own and identify with sex as you concieve of it.
Even if it's not always good, even if it's scary or bad or painful, by virtue of the fact that it has never happened quite in the same way with the same people before, and the necessary intimacy of it gives it a uniqueness that is uncharacteristic to any other kind of interaction.

It gives me hope that in realizing this in our class, perhaps there is the possibility of finding a more universally supportive definition for permissable sex [in a sex positive, advocating consensual sexual encounters] kind of way for our nation. It's not perfect yet...but at least we're discussing it. I like to envision the validation of childhood sexuality, same sex couples wanting to bear children, promiscuity, non-vanilla sex, and sex-work as legitimate, positive aspects of sexuality and not issues that seem to constantly be under regulation.

what is our obsession with creating a universal understanding of sex, or anything, in language?

To translate, to interpret, to create as inadequate, as incomplete of an understanding as we can within out little, individual scopes of experience.

Perhaps we do it to begin to seperate the dark from the dark that we feel between each other. Sex helps us to lessen the space, thus, a discussion of sex helpus us to better understand one another as individual entities within the tremendous universe.

Anne, thank you for dinner, and to everyone for our wonderful discussions. They were simply mind-blowing.

in parting...
Hopefully all of us will be as honest with our lovers and ourselves as we can and maybe, eventually, our society and what we teach one another about sex will begin to reflect the reality of the discussions and exchanges that happen. Best of luck to everyone.

Thank you Anne for making this one of the best classes I've taken thus far!

shadows. that which is unknown. light. illuminating, discovering the body. carressing and exposing it. the hard form and an unknown body gently touching. it revers and worships. trembling and supple underneith. the hand, strong...concrete, claims the body, if but for a moment, as it's kingdom. soon the body this hand is servant to will be equally exposed. equally hidden. equally treasured by the light.

SENSORIAL
His scent infected my senses
Festered into an uncontrollable
eruption in his sheets Convulsing
and hyperventilating as the fever
flowed out my pores and left
me tingling into better health

so in reading the postings...i wanted to make a few comments in resonse to some of the points made recently that somehow i missed.

Elisa. in regards to outsiders/insiders...i have a really good piece for you to read, but its at school so remind me. but..i did want to say that i know i particularly paid very close attention to the insider/outsider models. Specifically those i know via philosophy, when interacting at my site. The important thing to remember about the site however, and i think where most of the comments were coming from, was that if the purpose of the site was to make outsiders feel welcome, it was our overwhelming feeling that that was not happening with everyone. Especially with those of us who should be considered insiders to the group the site was targeting. I think that was the criticsm being made, more then anything.

Katy. Polyamourous. just for the record, so that people don't think its just a "gay" thing. polyamorous relationships occur among hetereosexuals as well.

Nia. i appreciate your comments regarding gays in the black community. I think its important to remember however that there are gay people in EVERY community, and in every community they are greeted with hatred and love, it depends on the people in the community. you said that "Homosexuality is a taboo within the Black community, and is not discussed or tolerated by family." I can't speak fromthe point of view of a lesbian of color, but given my experiences i do feel comfortable saying that it is a taboo in many communities and families. I think its important to realize that while it may be living a double life being black and homosexual, similar conflicting roles exhist for instance being catholic and gay or even a woman and gay (another instance of a double minority, as in the case of the gay black man). just food for thought mostly. i think understanding the role of gender/sexuality and norms indifferent cultures are fascinating as certainly differences do occur, but i do think we need to be careful about the generalizations that are made about groups and their beliefs regarding homosexuality.

um. ok. i think that was it. i sex-ond the reunion idea.hahahah.
ok merry christmas if you celebrate it and happy wednesday if you don't

i just read your comment and i think you misinterpreted my earlier posting...

i was under the assumption that you all were volunteers there, correct? if so, as volunteers, wasnt it your duty to make others feel comfortable, not the other way around? volunteers do not go to the site under the same pretenses as the community the site is trying to serve. you all were going there with some resposbility in aiding/furthering the "openness" of the environment through your volunteer positions (bc through that position, it is assummed that you are dedicated to the missions statement of the site).

i think there was too much focusing on how you were all treated like outsiders and not enough concentrating on how it is the responsibility of the people that work and volunteer there to create that openness, not benefit from it.

all i was attempting to do in my earlier posting was draw attention to these dynamics and to simply ask, were there things we cannot see because we are coming into our environments with an academic eye?

I've just finished a (long) weekend reveling in your portfolios. Thanks to you all for all your thinking and re-thinking, for your engagement and creativity, for your good humor and hard work. Grading was more of a challenge for me than it usually is: aside from the usual axes of 1)contributing to others' thinking in class and 2) opening on-line "windows" for the rest of the world and 3)preparing short papers, then a final project and portfolio that give written witness to what you're learning...there was, this time, the praxis axis...all to be reduced to a single number. Ridiculous.

I'm reading (betwixt the reveling) a Christmas gift from a friend,Tor Norretranders' "The User Illusion: Cutting Consciousness down to Size." A passage @ the end of chapter 11 seems an apt description not only of my frustrations in reducing the complexities of your learning to a number, but also our shared frustrations, all semester, about "squeezing" sexual experience into language:

"The bandwidth of language is far lower than the bandwidth of sensation. Most of what we know about the world we can never tell each other...Our sociolinguistic fellowship with one another is based on exchanges at a bandwidth of sixteen bits a second. Our direct-natural fellowship with the world is based on exchanges via a bandwidth with a capacity of many millions of bits per second. Therefore we can only talk about what matters when we do not talk but act. We can show things to one another, feel things together, learn from each other...take pleasure in one another's skills. But we cannot describe them in detail to one another...."

As a final thought, I pass on a l'il code Kathryn told me about in her portfolio. When someone in our class said to someone else, "See You Next Tuesday," she was saying

See (C) You (U) Next (N) Tuesday (T).
CUNT.

Maybe we HAVE found a language of our own...
that others can use as well?

Anyhow: thanks again to all, for coming along on this adventure, and for everything you've taught me along the way. Keep in touch, and let me know what else you're learning in the future!

Always, fondly,
Anne

anyway, my grandmother has essential tremors (basically, her hands shake as if she had parkinson's, but it isn't parkinson's) and when i told my grandparents (and my aunt and my uncle and my mom and my dad- that was a new experience) anne's joke about the couple in the nursing home, my grandfather burst out laughing and said, "too bad it isn't parkinson's" and my grandmother says, "it's ok, i still have the essential tremor!" hahahahaha...ok, i thought it was funny, hope you guys do too:) bye! enjoy the rest of your break!

chelsea