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After our class discussion, I reflected quite a bit about what people said.  I can totally empathize/sympathize with feeling uncomfortable to speak, fear of misinterpretation, wanting approval and acceptance of your ideas from your peers (I feel like that all the time).  I definitely think that our learning environment should be a safe space that allows for growth, but how can we grow if we DO NOT speak?

I guess from our conversation I felt that the responsibility to fix this problem was very one-sided.  Of course the people who talk alot should create space for others to speak freely, but the people who don't talk have to work on speaking up more too.  I don't think it's fair to expect others to self-censor or limit their voice for the benefit of others.  

I guess for me it is more personal, because as a Black-American woman my voice is limited and censored in society by way of stereotypes and fixed roles.  For many people of color on campus there is a constant (at times sporadic) internal battle of self-censorship for one's own personal well-being, or if something is offensive saying something for the great good of the space by providing another perspective.  For myself, trying to figure out if the space is literally SAFE enough for one to speak, am I going to be marginalized as the angry black women or too sensitive/aggressive if I give the "Race" perspective, etc?   

This link came up on my facebook feed just now and I had to share. Not only because I love these two-minute faith-in-humanity videos, but because it reminded me of the section on staring we did in class earlier this semester. Staring and body language are the two silent ways we express ourselves. This video reflects how in the time span of ten minutes the body language of two complete strangers can go from awkward to reflecting and expressing true intimacy. It illustrates that even the briefest of moments can ignite a deeper emotional response. Now, I'm sure the same can happen in a negative light. The briefest of moments can ignite a negative response, which I believe connects to our conversation on disabilities and society's definition of "normal." Even the quickest down-grading glance is an unspoken insult. The one who gives the stare or the harsh body language is only re-enforcing societal stigmas. We need to watch not only what comes directly out of our mouths, but also the words which we do not speak through our eyes, arms, and bodies. There's the childhood phrase "sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me!" Well, in my experience I find the unspoken words of body language and the emptiness of silence to be more painful than any utterance.

That Leah and Keisha became best friends seems a result of some accidents: Keisha saved Leah from drowning in the pool, and later “a dramatic event” when they confronted Nathan Bogle together. Would they become good friends if these didn’t happen? I guess so. Caldwell is a small community. If not these two exact things, there’s still a great chance that something else dramatic might happen between them. Bought the same dresses and wore them to school on the same day. Or ran into each other on the street and one fell really bad and another accompanied her to the hospital. A lot of things that can possibly bond them as life-long best friends. On the other hand, they must’ve had this sort of interesting encounters with many other people as well. But they became best friends with each other, Leah and Keisha, so that’s not a coincidence, but a choice.

Their childhood friendship was “based on verb rather than nouns”. They liked each other because they spent plenty of time together and did fun things. That’s more like playmates. To me, true friends like each other not because they do fun things together, but because they appreciate each other, the person’s personalities and intelligence and passions. And even when they do boring things like waiting for a bus for an hour or studying all day, they don’t feel dull because each one is a delight to the other.

Today I was able to access the multiplayer game and finally interact in that world. I began the game with a few resources in my inventory and started to collect a few other things, but it was a little hard to find any worthwhile resources since we spawn in a place where there is just a lot of desert and there are not really any trees left. So, I went on a search for trees! It took a while to find some and I have to travel across lakes and up and down mountains until I finally found them. (Luckily I also found some pigs and cows along the way so I didn't starve.) I had been making pretty good progress and collecting more resources when I sadly fell straight off a cliff and to my death! :-( I was obviously really upset! I didn't even know that was possible! And of course, I lost all of the things that I had just been collecting and had to start all over again from the spawning point. But, I knew I couldn't give up, so I started out into the "world" again. I traveled for what seemed like a while, including swimming through rivers and climbing up mountains again, but I found an area with tons of animals and lots of trees, so I began collecting both items. I was able to finally make a table and a chest. I was a little bit concerned about just putting these down where I was because I knew that if I was killed again there would be absolutely NO way I would find them. However, I figured that if I die I will lose all of my supplies anyways, so I just did it anyways.

Zen Pencils 75: L.P. Jacks, Work and Play

http://zenpencils.com/comic/75-l-p-jacks-work-and-play/

A lot of the work Gavin Aung Thang does relates back to our class, but I thought this one was particularly relevent to our discussions. Also, Zen Pencils is just a fantastic comic.

Although at first glance the chapter numbers of Visitation, the first section of NW by Zadie Smith, seems almost arbitrary, there is an underlying intent behind the chapter-nomenclature intended to draw specific focus to how Leah thinks, and her desire to stay firmly planted in a position in the past.

            When Zadie Smith came to speak at Bryn Mawr, she discussed how we as people are able to view others and see who they are as a person, but when we look back on ourselves, we are unable to place who we are as a person, which can be frustrating and disconcerting to those who are unable to accept this as a general fact of existing. This struggle with identity can be seen in Zadie Smith’s novel NW, through the characterization of Keisha/Natalie, who throughout the novel battles with who she is as a person, who she wants to be, and how she wants others to view her. Keisha’s first battle with her identity develops from her being ashamed by her background in the low-income area of north west London, where her decision to change her name is representative of wanting to leave her previous life behind and start anew, however, the new Natalie is never able to leave Keisha behind. Another identity crisis that Natalie struggles with is her need to create an identity that she can see, rather than being content with who she is as an individual. She has grown up trying to become the ideal model of a person that she has created based on her perceptions of other people and what she views as fitting for a successful life, and she unsuccessfully does this by taking fragmented bits of other peoples lives and trying to build a life of her own.

Sorry for the late post, with all of the lantern night hype it completely slipped my mind. I wanted to comment on the class discussion we had on Thursday. I thought that it was healthy for people to get a little bit heated and share their thoughts on the silence or lack of silence in our class. Good suggestions were made on how to rearrange the class structure as far as conversation. I thought it was interesting that as soon as we began the 5 second rule it seemed as though everyone had more to say than they ever have. Personally I know that I spoke more that class than I have in a while and that felt good for me. I think the 5 second rule is going to be difficult though, the pace of the class has never been the issue for me personally so I think it will mess with our dynamic a little bit if we keep it around. Overall I think we had a healthy class discussion and I feel closer and more comfortable with everyone in the class now because of it. 

            How does one define their own identity? Is it by the way that they wish to be seen and the person they want to be or is it something more than that? In “NW” by Zadie Smith, Natalie (formerly Keisha) struggles with these questions as she moves through her life trying to find who she really is.

            In existentialism it is though that a person defines their essence through their actions rather than being governed by some greater human nature. Every action a person does is a part of that identity, even if it is done unconsciously. (Crowell) In her youth, Keisha had already begun to feel the identity crisis that would plague her adulthood. Around the age of ten she realized “In the child’s mind a breach now appeared: between what she believed she knew of herself, essentially, and her essence as other seemed to understand it.” (Smith 208) She alone saw the inner workings of her own mind, though that is not what defines her identity, or, more accurately her essence. In the existentialist perspective the way in which others understood her essence was much closer to her identity because that view was based much more heavily on her actions rather than her private thoughts.