A self-evaulation to wrap everything up

            A lot of what is going to appear in this self evaluation probably also appeared in my final web event and maybe a little bit in my review of my part in the final performances.  So let us start at the beginning!  I decided to take the class for a few reasons: 1.) I like English classes 2.) The topic seemed interesting and 3.) I had not taken a class with Anne before.  The first topic was really enjoyable for me.  I liked thinking about the digital humanities, a term I had never heard before, and I really liked imagining the different ways the academic essay could appear in the digital humanities.  I remember that I was struggling with my definition of genre, but in my first meeting with Anne she helped clarify the idea of genre for me by broadening it past my definition for it. 

            As I am writing this I realize I probably should have met with Anne more throughout the course of the semester.  It may have helped me deal with whatever I ended up going through sooner, rather than spending most of the semester feeling lost and inadequate. 

            At the start of the semester I did not participate much in class because, well honestly I don’t really know why.  I have always been quieter in classes than I would like.  I guess you could say it’s something I’m working on.  However, as the speed of our discussion sped up and the ideas we were discussing began getting more abstract I felt more anxiety about talking in class because I did not feel like I understood what was going on.  Compared to how I was feeling, everyone else in the class seemed so much smarter and comfortable than I was.  It was unnerving.  For a while I did not even feel like I could say anything in class.  I stopped feeling like I had a say in what we talked about.

            I have been struggling, trying to figure out why this happened.  I really don’t think there was much that could have changed in the class.  Yes it was abstract and yes it moved fast, but the problem was really me.  I had some confidence issues I didn’t notice before and the class became a space where these insecurities were really in my face.  The class, with its abstract topics and space for personal reflection, in retrospect, was actually really great for me.  I know I struggled and I know I have had a hard time, but I loved all the readings, and even though at least two of my four web events weren’t great, I learned something from each one I wrote. 

            I know this is supposed to be a self-evaluation, and it is, but mostly it has helped me realize that this whole class has been an experience where I have re-evaluated myself.  With each topic we explored I learned to think differently, I learned to question, I learned to make connections that maybe I haven’t seen before.  My biggest regret from the class is that I couldn’t help people learn in the way they helped me.  I didn’t know how I would feel about this class come the end of the semester, but I’m happy I took it.  Even if I struggled, it was the kind of struggling that you learn something from.  I feel like I have grown as a thinker, and as a learner.  I know what I have to work on in order to move forward from where I am as well.  I sat in almost all of the classes, did the readings, tried to keep up with the postings and give conversations, but sadly I don’t think I gave as much to the class I as received from it, and for that I am sorry. 

            Overall my semester was a rocky one.  It started out decent, I grew very, very lost, but then I found myself and my footing again.  Or at the very least I’m finding it.  Everything is slowly piecing itself together and I can see where I could have worked harder and where I was going to get lost either way.  I’ve evolved as a learner and for that I’m grateful to this class and everyone who made it what it was.  I’m at peace with it and with what I learned.  So thank you.