The lens I used in my last paper was agency, as defined by Sabina Alkirke. For the coming paper, I will continue to use agency as a lens. However, I will use Sherry B. Ortner's definition of it from "Thick Resistance: Death and the Cultural Construction of Agency in Himalayan Mountaineering." Ortner's definition will allow me to view agency as a more fluid form of power; people have agency when they already have some sort of power, and they use agency to expand on the power they already have.

For this essay-rewrite, Anne basically did all the heavy-lifting in our writing conference. My lens, "How we must be more cautious about blaming," is clear but needs to be used better. 

The outline: 

Subject- On the Notion of Blame and our Neurology: How Accountable are we for Our Actions?

Thesis: That the human brain is so complex, so much of a mystery to both us and scientists, that we don't know what to make of the chaos and disorder and mystery that goes on inside our own brains, much less other peoples. That is why we go to fiction. To get some sort of order out of the worldly chaos. 

Part one: My rant about NW and my expectations for it. 

Part two: How Zadie Smith might be trying to recreate all the internal chaos and mystery inside of us. Why doesn't she give us what we seek from fiction? 

Part three: Add on/end with the Radiolab piece about blame and the poor man Kevin and his Kluver-Büsey syndrome. 

My last paper was very all over the board. I definitely don’t think I zoomed in enough with what I was saying, and my ideas were pretty scattered as well. This week, I’d like to totally change my lens and rewrite the paper entirely, using the Marxist lens, and focus on the living spaces of the characters and how that represents their socioeconomic status and defines them throughout the book. There’s a lot to work with there, from Felix and his father’s experiences in the community houses, to Natalie/Keisha’s big move, and even Michele telling Leah he doesn’t want their children to grow up in the flat they live in, with the sign out front, because it will define their lives. Plus, in general, the book does focus a lot on the neighborhood (as if the title wasn’t a tip off), so by comparing the living arrangements and way society judges the people living their per Marxist theory, I think I might have a much better paper.

Last weeks paper I focused on Leah and Michel's biracial relationship.  This week I would like to broaden my lens and incorporate other characters that share biracial and bicultural friendships and relationships such as Frank and Leah, Frank and Natalie, and Leah and Natalie.  I mainly wrote about how Leah and Michel's race pushes them apart but I think it would be interesting to add in other negative and positive factors in their relationship.

In the essay I wrote with Amy last week, our lens is the relationship, especially the relationship between women. Amy asked me, “Is there true friendship between women?” and my immediate answer is, yes. The two girls grow up together, experiencing many things. The final result of their relationship is caused not because of the frangibility of the friendship but the change of their class. Then, in the second draft of our paper, I think the lens is ‘change’. Change in class, change in social states, change in economic condition, change in minds.  

Sorry I wasn't in class yesterday y'all, I possibly have strep so it's been a fun couple of days. Anyway, Julie told me that the conversation on Exile and Pride centered around Home and Claire's discussion of it in the text. Home to me was always a fixed definition, I always took it very literally as the place where I lived. I understood when people said you can have a house but you might not have a home, but it never occured to me that home could be anywhere else. I have found home at Bryn Mawr on such a deeper level than I ever imagined. I have found home in the wonderful people I have come to know here and surround myself with. I have found home in myself in realizing who I am and the reassurance that this is the place that I need to be. Home is no longer a fixed address in Massachusetts, it is within myself and all around me here. 

      This is my fourth attempt to at least master some basic skills in the game. I did drown a few times and fell in the cliff several times. I am not giving up. I have learned to be more observant of my surroundings, to stop and look around, and to plan my movements. Anyone knows how to get out from falling into a huge hall? I tried unsuccessfully to use the space bar but the hole is too deep.

    I really liked the interview with Thomas on Tuesday. He assigned the minecraft game such a high level of sophistication.

For my last paper, I used the lens of structure. I looked at how ZS structured sections differently depending on who they were about, and how that person/character experiences time I also wrote about her authorial voice and inputs into the narration. 

For this newer essay, I want to keep that lens, but elaborate more on where she does and doesn't do this. I also want to look more into the absurdity of the world, as presented through the book. 

So I was really struck today by Edward Said’s call for “willed homelessness.” When we went around the circle others seemed to echo Said’s idea, agreeing that there can be complacency in security. However, I can’t help but rebel against this idea of “willed homelessness.” It feels paradoxical. There is nothing desirable or chosen about being homeless. There is nothing romantic about sleeping on park benches, or buses, or trains, or floors, or random couches. There is nothing exciting about sneaking in friends houses long past parents go to bed so you can find something to eat. There is nothing fun about brushing your teeth in library bathrooms, showering in locker rooms, hiding a duffel bag in the bushes before you go to school. This isn’t learning through being unsettled this is surviving in a world that is actively telling you that you don’t belong here. Sure, I believe in travel, adventure, and exploration, as methods to grow but to call that homelessness is to demonstrate the extraordinary privilege of never knowing what it’s like to not have someone to call along the journey, a porch light on somewhere waiting for you to return. 

I plan to narrow my lens of existentialism to just that ideology the Kierkegarrd presents about the fullness of a moment and how it immulinates Kiesha's need for a dramatic event. I will examine this by only looking at a few moments in Kiesha's life that this is present and examining them more deeply.