Self Evaluation and Reflection--New Visions of Wonderland

New Visions of Wonderland

Esem is never just a seminar for me. It is a gate to another ecosystem, an inner world in culture. Just as the lecture in Coetzee’s book was “a lecture inside another lecture”, what I explored in Esem was a world inside the world we live in. I have titled my last site reflection as “wonderland”, so what was it exactly—and how is this word related to this Esem? Well, the Wonderland that I am going to describe is an intangible world of writing.

So, what is the landscape of this Wonderland? I shall start with the concept of language barrier. The “language barrier” has always been a difficulty for all international students, and by saying “language barrier”, I don’t mean difficulties in daily conversations. The “language” that I concern is the one in which culture, history and philosophy mix. When I read the materials provided for class discussion, I was playing with the language by translating them into direct vision in my mind. Every author has a different style of writing and a different way of playing “combination and permutation” of the words to express his or her ideas, making me overwhelmed by the diversity of their writings at the very beginning. For the whole semester I have been trying to analyze what emotions, feelings and storied were buried under their writing to gain a better image of “ecological thinking”, and my conclusion is—each piece of work was a small component another ecosystem. The “language barrier” between the authors and I, and that between my classmates, professor and I, were like rivers dividing the land of ecological writing into different states, or provinces. The river was, indeed, crossable, but crossing it shall take time, energy and more importantly—patience. For every region of space, there are plants and animals—work written by people.

Thoreau created “invasive plants”—and I would describe him as “when he writes, he shares, no matter other people like or not”. Although he lived in his own world, he was raising his voice in his unfriendly, originated language to attract more attention and tell people another way to live. He intruded to other people’s sight, brutally, unexpectedly, while spreading his ideas, however extreme, to the world. People argued his ideas with each other, and more people got to know him.

Marjorie Garber, on the other hand, created a role like “rabbit”. In her reflections to Coetzee’s lecture The Lives of Animals, she dissected Coetzee’s work and “digested” it, providing new comments and outcomes. She asked questions like “what are they fighting about? What is the structural relationship between the mother and the wife--which is to say, between literature and philosophy?” Then she gave possible answers that could be analyzed by other people.

And, what are we? When we read their work and wrote our essay, we stood on the next level of “food chain”—the difference is that the level of “food chain” is the level of understanding, or more precisely, of processing language and ideas. In the past semester, I have crossed many rivers, jumped between islands and captured plants and animals in this Wonderland. I earned nutrients—the key ideas in the readings; I appreciated beautiful views—the pictures that portrayed by different languages; I created carnivorous animals—the analysis based on all typed of writing other people had done.

Now, whenever I review the readings or writings that I have done, I was pulled back to the fantastic world in which I had a fantastic journey with a group of fantastic people. Although I still don’t feel that I could accept Thoreau’s ideas, I am so glad that I had the chance to have class outside buildings and do Thoreauvian walk. Although I still prefer to tell my story and make my points in a smooth, gentle way, I have learnt to stay calm and accept more extreme, offensive claims. So, I really want to thank my classmates and professor for being my campanion while exploring this Wonderland for which we could always return.