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Rina (Darwin): Welcome to tonight's special evolution episode of Jeopardy. I'm your host, Charles Darwin, and am replacing Alex Trebec for the night. For the next 10 minutes I will be taking you into a world of random motion, cultural transformation, unconscious "truths", and abstract realities. Our guests tonight are three well-known celebrities from the Evolution of Stories and Stories of Evolution class. It's my pleasure to introduce our returning champion Daniel Dennett, the psychoanalytical Siri Hustsvedt, and the ever-so-popular Walt Whitman.
[Characters briefly introduce themselves]
Welcome contestants and let's begin this exciting evolutionary game!
Our categories tonight are...
Dennett since you are the returning champion, you get to go choose the first category. What shall it be?

Rica (Dennett): Stories of Evolution for 100.
[Darwin reads question]

Dennett: What is Tree of Life.

Dennett: Unconscious for 200.
[Darwin reads question]

Jackie (Whitman): What is "Blooming buzzing confusion."

Dennett: I believe it's what is BOOMING! NOT BLOOMING!

Darwin: Correct Dennett! You may now pick the next category...might I suggest, picking the optimal category...Darwinian Evolution?!

Dennett: Darwin for $300.
[Darwin reads question, Whitman buzzes and stares]

Darwin: Walt, um you buzzed...? We need your answer Walt!
[Whitman reads Leaves of Grass (pg. 42)]

Darwin: Excuse me? You poet folk are just too much for me. Let's move onto the answer.

Lisa (Hustvedt): Excuse me Darwin! I think you need to get in touch with your feelings. To quote Kierkegaard from my recent best-selling novel, "maybe you've kept a secret in your heart that you felt in all its joy or pain was too precious to share with someone." Think about it. My answer is what is Natural selection...I don't know why we aren't focusing more on literature and the depths of the unconscious more...

Darwin: Well, you do have the next pick.

Hustvedt: Literature for $200.
[Darwin reads question, Whitman makes comments about the literary canon]

Darwin: Oh what do you know Walt? You like on the other side of the ocean.
[Whiman disrupts conversation]

Hustvedt: I believe the answer to this question is my novel The Sorrows of an American.

Dennett: NO! I believe it's Darwin's Dangerous Idea.

Darwin: Um, my idea is dangerous? What rubbish!

Whitman: Charles, I don't think you contain multitudes.

Darwin: Oh Whitman, pipe down! You all are wrong! The answer is, of course, The Origins of Species!

[BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]

Darwin: Oh my, I believe we've run out of time...

Whitman: What is time?

Darwin: Walt! That sound means we've reached double jeopardy! Let's tally everyone score so far: Dennet $300. Hustvedt $300. Walt $700.
[Whitman tangent about money, Darwin reads question, Jeopardy song plays, all contestants write their answers)

[BUZZZZZZZZZZZ]

Darwin: Oh that ungodly sound means it's time to reveal your answers. Hutsfedt? What say you?

Hustvedt: Say wager and "what is American literature."

Dennet: Say wager and "what is a crane."
[Whitman ponders question without speaking]

Darwin: What in the world does that mean?
[Whitman reads poetry]

Darwin: I'm sorry you all fail! The correct answer is evolution. In tonight's game we have a tie! Watch next week as both Dennet and Hustvedt battle it our to see who's psychoanalytical and evolutionary theories win them more money.