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while i agree that we can't just rely on someone else to figure out gender stuff for us, i don't think that the right answer for everyone is just to "do it yourself." maybe in the sense that no one else can do it for us, but not in the sense that we need to do it alone.

i was actually trying to do that a few months ago, and it sucked. it didn't work, either. and then my friend reminded me that we, as humans, are interdependent creatures, and we get really messed up when we try to pretend otherwise. so, maybe the workbook isn't the best way to go about figuring out gender stuff--i haven't read the whole thing, so i'm not going to comment--but i don't think that that means that we should just do it by ourselves, alone.

also, about the whole "The only way to get over depression is to do it yourself." thing--i think that's wrong. again, maybe you just meant that ultimately, we're the only ones who can pull ourselves out of depression, which is probably true. but i think that at least the way you phrased it is problematic. the thing about depression is that it makes everything seem hopeless, like nothing's every going to get better. so it makes it pretty damn difficult to just get over depression by yourself if the voice in your head is telling you that nothing's ever going to get better.

on the other hand, i'm not entirely sure that Kate Bornstein wrote Hello, Cruel World specifically for people/teens who are really suicidal. it seems to me that it's also aimed at people who are stressed about their lives, feel like they can't handle their lives, feel like freaks/outlaws, feel alone. it's not just about trying to give people alternatives to killing themselves; it feels like it's also about helping people feel better about themselves. and maybe it's not for you, and that's fine, but i really liked Hello, Cruel World.

also, you wrote, "Isn't the whole point of gender is that we just do what we feel?  Why do we have to talk about it so dam much?"--i think it's great that you can just do what you feel. and i think it's great that you identify as a woman quite happily, and you're proud to be a woman. wonderful. but for a lot of people, it's really really hard to just "do what we feel." it's really hard to know "what we feel." after internalizing twenty-one years of socialization to be a woman, it's really difficult sometimes to know what's "what i feel" and what's what i feel that i should feel, what i've been told that i feel, what's just internalized socialization. and also, we don't really talk about gender that much. sure, there's tons of girl-power books and stuff like that, but there's really not a lot of stuff for people questioning whether they even fit into the gender catories that society tries to impose on us. there's not a lot about what to do if you're not a woman or a man. there's not even much that includes that as an option. so maybe My Gender Workbook isn't perfect. maybe it's not helpful for you. maybe you don't want it or need it, and that's great for you. but for those of us who could use a book that legitimizes how we see ourselves, or how we might see ourselves, for those of us who might not exist for all that society represents us, even an imperfect book like My Gender Workbook is something important.