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VGopinath's picture

Being Wrong about Being in Love

     Whether or not we can define love seems to have become a critical problem for research and theories on the subject.  I'm surprised we haven't addressed the problem from the viewpoint of seeking a language to define emotions in general.  I don't think I would be comfortable saying that panic, anxiety, fear or even hunger are manifested similarly in others.  I don't know if I fully endorse the idea I brought up in class that David mentioned about love being a pattern subjectively experienced by all but evidence for that idea would be hunger.  Hunger makes some people irritable, it's painful for some and merely uncomfortable for others but we can look at leptin and other hormones controlling the feeling.  Similarly, love is different for everyone but perhaps we can look to the VTA (as Helen Fisher would say her research has demonstrated) to determine if a person is in love, regardless of what they think.  It draws us back to an earlier problem of whether or not we can tell someone if they're in love.  David asked the question in class "Can somebody be wrong about whether or not he or she is in love?"  and we didn't really address the question.  I don't think we would tell a couple who have been married for 30 years and have 4 kids that they're not in love if the tell us that they are in love.  Yet many wouldn't hesitate to tell a 13 year-old girl who has been "dating" a boy for 5 days that she's not actually in love.  My initial reaction was that if someone says they're in love, then they are. It's defined by thinking you are- upon further consideration, I would say that is wrong.  Many people say that they were wrong- after a break up or a few weeks later, many of these sentiments are heard: I thought I was in love with X.  I think I just WANTED to be in love with X.  I convinced myself that I was in love but I wasn't actually.  

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