my self evaluation

I wasn’t sure what to expect of the class at first. It seemed an obvious choice, to take a course on feminist studies at a women’s college. I knew that my views of the world were severely limited by my pre-existing notions and my highly subjective experiences, so I was eager to expand those boundaries and supplement my knowledge of feminism. I expected a simple English course, analyzing the feminist and antifeminist actions of the protagonists therein, and I found something quite different. 

I didn’t expect, at the end of the year, to have completely revolutionized my idea of feminism. While I already had some very strong opinions in terms of cultural gender identity, it was nothing compared to the way some of the sections of the class stretched my knowledge of feminism – what it meant to be feminist, particularly in terms of structural institutions and ‘feminism unbound’. And thanks to this class, I find myself leading so many of my friends to question the institutions put in place, how we as a collective grow and learn thanks to them. I have grown more from this class than I could ever have imagined, and I appreciate it so much.

I do know, however, that I was silent in class. I wish I could have done more to contribute, but personally, it was an emotional struggle. As invested as I was in the class, I do take full responsibility for my own silence, seeing it as something I’ve tried to curb across my lifetime and still find difficulty with. I found the class perfectly accessible, but it was my own mental state that blocked me from being able to contribute, even when I felt that I had something to add. While it was fascinating to listen to those who knew so much more than me on any given topic, I felt myself lock up whenever I tried to speak up in turn. This is a personal issue I’ve been trying to correct for many years, and the new setting with restructured rules through me off balance, and I found myself unable to properly stabilize.

I do believe that the material was absolutely fascinating however. I do wish that the literature would have been more present, but I do believe that the theory was also incredibly worthwhile to learn, and I hope to remember it for time to come. I do also appreciate the inclusion of graphic novels in the curriculum; for a very visual learner, as much as I love to read, I do think there’s so much to be learned from picture-based works of fiction (as my group found when discussing the feminism in Persepolis). I tried to be as punctual as possible with postings and web-events, since in a class that thrived on nonnormativity - I still found myself raising my hand at the end of the year, only to hurried bring it down and try to bring myself to speak candidly - it was a bit of structure that I need for my own sake. 

I am very comfortable with what I have learned and will take away from the class, and I do plan to apply it to any observations I make it the future. I've learned so much about the world and what I want from it versus what I've come to expect over the years, and I do believe that the information and beliefs I've garnered from the class will in time help me to grow as a person. 

(A quick explanation for my portfolio banner: I read an article recently on a Japanese maze who spent seven years drawing a huge maze. This relates a lot to how I see myself viewing feminism as of right now. It's wholy complex, and everyone starts at a different point and goes a different direction, but every interaction is interconnected and overlapping. Does where we end up matter so much as the journey made?)