Self Evaluation

            I came to Feminist Critical Studies later than most, I had just recently dropped a class and decided to pick up this one. When looking at the course description I became overly excited at what this course might have in store. I had just recently been proclaiming myself as a black feminist, which is what I wrote my college essay about, and my junior and senior year and high school had been devoted to discussing black women and their representation in the media, so I thought that this course would take me even further in exploring this desire. Overall, I must say this course was a learning experience, but it was not at all what I expected. I thought that we might have been doing a little more discussing of feminist theory and studying in normative school/lecture structure the various waves of feminism. However, I am very glad that this class was not set up as a lecture, through discussions and group work I was able to get away from the mundane structure of most of my classes and hear more from the students than just the professor. Often my mother preaches that respect needs to be given in both directions, from youth and adults in power, and from this classroom structure I really felt mutual respect between all who were in the classroom. What helped this even more was the circle that we sat in, where everyone could acknowledge each other.

            Because this class was a discussion based class, it is necessary for the class to talk. Being the quiet natured person that I am I did not really speak a lot. At the beginning of the course I felt that I spoke more; I was excited in what we were doing then and the literature we read towards the beginning of the course, such as Persepolis, The Gender Workbook were very interesting to me. I found that I was beginning to look at the gender binary in a new way and begin to deconstruct it. I felt I was growing and becoming more open, liberal and considerate of the varying intersectional identities of individuals. But towards the end of the course I talked less. I began to feel less interested in what we were discussing, I felt too confused. The literature we read began to get more vague and confusing, such as when we were discussing unbinding feminism and talking about silence (which is ironic). But I began to feel out of place in these discussions because I didn’t know my opinion and felt that I had nothing to give to the conversation, although I did feel more comfortable in small groups and was able to contribute more and spoke a lot more within them. And I never really thought about the fact that asking questions or asking for clarification could be contributing to the conversation. Another part of my silence came from feeling that those around me who spoke, always did so so eloquently and that when they spoke, or even questioned they had strong vocabulary and insightful ideas, whereas I felt that if I spoke it would be basic. Even in my online postings I did not feel as though I was at the level as my peers, even some of my freshman peers. I think that had I taken this course as an upper classwoman I would have been much more confident and prepared and spoken up more. I am however, appreciative that I have had this experience as a freshman, so that now I can go on to my other courses and really challenge myself to speak up and out, regardless of how articulate and sophisticated my peers sound.

            For the written assignments that I did, I really enjoyed the topics that I chose. I felt that they spoke to me and my interests and that I was able to explore new things within the topics I like. For me the idea of writing about a question you had, that you don’t really have all the information about was new to me. I am used to having all the knowledge and presenting an argument and discussing it with the background knowledge I have through the sources I have previously discovered. So this new format of writing, which implied more research than writing, was something that although was new and somewhat difficult, was also helpful in preparing me for future writing courses. I have learned from the feedback on my papers that I have interesting topics, I just need to solidify them and support my arguments with better and more concrete evidence. I think that my best work was on my first paper. I held interviews with students and did a lot of research. And this paper was written at a time where I was still fresh and excited about the class. I think I did well on my other works, but could have spent more time collecting more evidence, and editing more.

            Overall, this course has mainly been a learning experience for me. I am definitely proud of myself for becoming more open to the gender spectrum and more thoughtful when thinking about access and how race, class, gender, ability, and several other factors intersect (I really enjoyed reading Exile and Pride and how Clare really made sure to not ignore any intersectional identity). I also liked that we had guest visit such as Laura Swanson and Heidi Hartmann, I am honored to have been able to meet them. I also really liked the incorporation of an online forum to continue the discussion, I find myself wishing I had this for my other classes because there would be things I would love to post or continue discussing after class was over. This class was challenging, different, thought provoking and helped me gain a more critical eye for thinking about this world I live in.