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Keres Tale
I am going to tell my walking story in the manner of a Keres tale. A dictionary can be found here (Queres = Keres).
FIRST TELLING
Where weathered rock and flowing water meet
When hot, moist air retreats at summer’s end;
Above, the vivid boughs do speak of fall
While underfoot the earth prepares for sleep.
The sparrow hops upon the iron rail
While under trees cicadas speak their death.
KERES TELLING
Not so long ago. In Kuwami from Tidyami the ts'itsi arrived. Here came Shuum'ə Daaw'aatra from Uw'aititaan Daaw'aatra, from Tidyami. K'uisrka went and k'uuchini came to the trees. Many animals go at kasraiti's end.
Comments
balancing or simplifying?
I like that you titled these, "First telling," and "Keres Telling." It positions you as a narrator, but also positions the story as one of many others - this, to me, emphasizes balance.
I looked up some of the Keres words, but I also enjoyed reading without the hindrance of knowing, just hearing the coming and going, instead of being fixated on characters and everything associated with them.
Do you think you were able to say something more in the Keres telling than in your poem? In the loss of some details, do you think that the telling was simplified?