Nature Writing #2

“My location is under the leaves of two trees so I don't get that wet” this thought is associated with a feeling of relief. I am not sure whether the feeling came first, or the thought.

            One of the reasons that it’s so hard to simply write thoughts is that they are so disorganized. Part of this disorganization comes from the thin line between what is a thought and what is a feeling.

And sometimes you can have two feelings at once, which makes things even more complicated. The cold damp stonewall that I sit on and the cold wet wind that stings my face every once in a while makes me feel uncomfortable, yet I am comfortable in my uncomfort. It’s that feeling; the one where you kind of want to be uncomfortable because for some reason there's a strange comfort in the familiarity of the uncomfortable feeling that you are experiencing.

            Experience. Maybe that’s where the comfort comes from: I am experiencing this moment in the cold and the wet and the trees. And the smell of the rain and the feel of the air are familiar yet also new because I have never experienced them at this exact time in this exact space before. Yet I know I am being and I am here and ready to experience new moments and feelings and thoughts and this is very exiting. I am ecstatic. 

I am temped to stop writing here but that wouldn't be the truth and I want to be truthful.

Then I remembered an ant I saw last week crawling with her six little legs on the wall next to my head. Is that ant experiencing the inside of her little ant home right now? Or is she not experiencing anymore? I leave and choose to walk head on into the cold wind and rain because I know that my I won’t think anymore if I continue to stay here thinking under the comfort and shelter of the trees when the wall is ant-less.