Week 5: "Allow for Serendipity"?

I think that we do allow serendipity in our life, but that's because there is no way to prevent. We would like to think that we can control the outcome but we really can't. So instead, we just just let it happens. After all, there are many scientific discovery that are accidentally discovered. I think that as a maximizer, I try to do what is best but if serendipity occurs, it's all right. Because by definition serendipity is define as unexpected fortune. I guess, I might be confused by the word, but to my extend of understanding, if I plan something, and something better happened, why wouldn't I be happy about it? 

Maximization, Regret and Happiness Comparison
Download graphs

For me, serendipity is a nice thing, but it is not as rewarding as well-deserved happiness.  I'd rather have a tangible reward or a stress-free weekend then something merely given to me by happenstance.  My values may reflect my Protestant upbringing, but I'd rather work for my happiness than rely on the hopefully continued good mood of whoever is deciding my fate.  Not that I'm ungrateful.  Lots of happy things have happened to me by happenstance--meeting my current boyfriend for one.  However, it certainly was not love at first sight.  The relationship, like all things in life, had to be worked at.  I am proud of my growth and my new knowledge about human interactions that I have gained from being involved with him.  Serendipity offered me the opportunity for happiness; I assured it. In my life, Serendipity has been a launching pad into wide worlds of unattainable goals attained, new knowledge acquired, and new friends met.  However, it wasn't the happy accident that I attribute to my pleasure with these circumstances; it's my diligence, insight, and humility that has gotten me what I truly desire out of my life. So, no, I don't believe Serendipity offers more life-satisfaction; I believe Serendipity is another word for opportunity. 

To be honest, thinking about this is really giving me a headache. So I am going to get it out of my system here.

Not to talk about myself ("egotistical teenager," I know), but in general I've suffered a lot of anxiety from being overly-cognisent of things. I went through a phase during which everything I chose everything I ate purely based on how good it was for me and if it made complete protein/nutrients. I vividly remember having no sense of what I actually wanted or thought would taste yummy, because nothing was desirable if it wasn't healthy. Those foods scared me too much. I never ate dessert (unless you count plain yogurt with honey and hemp protein). I was only concerned with "what I needed/what would make me healthiest." It was very matter of fact to me: why doesn't everyone just eat like this? Why don't people always do what is probably best for them?

I've relaxed a lot since then. I realized that there are plenty of healthy, attractive people out there eating cake everyday and not dying. Perhaps I can adapt this metaphor to other controllable scenarios in life.

For example, I really am working on finding a balance between maximizing and satisficing with school and school work. Perhaps other college students-- particularly those Bryn Mawr women who are so eager to make a meaningful contribution to the world-- are in the same boat. I am not sure how I feel about having a choice in what I learn or what I academically produce. I mean, it's great because I can choose what I am interested in-- but then I realize some people don't do that at all. Some people choose based on what will make them "most successful." When I realize this, my maximizer kicks in. My satisfizer instinct protests: Isn't there supposed to be some kind of inherent talent or interest that guides every individual to do what is right for him/her? Or is school an area in which one can choose? Of course, these two questions lead to more (time consuming) questions: how hard and for how long should I think about what is "optimal" to do? By whose standard am I deciding what is "optimal"? Will I do better in a class if I spend a lot of time really, really thinking about one reading or if I decide to quickly read all five of the reading assignments? Is it best to take pre-law or pre-med requirements "just incase", even if I'm not sure that is where my interests lie? Should I spend the whole of Saturday getting ahead in my work, or rebooting? How often do I need to "reboot"? Is procrastinating ever acceptable?

I forget I am human sometimes, but sometimes being human isn't good enough for the standards I set. I know I am ultimately always going to be a very happy, observant person who can drop everything for a day and just go for a walk and enjoy what I see-- but it is almost because of that that I want to push myself harder. 

Now I am left with the choice of whether to be a maximizer or a satisficer in school (in life). Great.

Question: are there people out there who cannot/do not experience serendipity? Does one need both extremes (serendipity and intense control) do find balance between the two, or do some people just not feel either extreme and stay somewhere in the middle?

 I absolutely agree with Maiya that serendipity occurs randomly and is out of our control. If serendipity means “unexpected happiness”, I believe nobody will resist it since everyone wants to be happy. However, relating to the book, I think the author talk about the serendipity in regard of making a choice. He encourages people to be satisfiers who always have lower expectations and thus are less likely to disappoint. If something good happens to a satisfier’s decision, they consider it as a “serendipity”, which will make them happier than maximizer even if they make the same decision. I would say I agree with the author’s idea of being a satisfier, though his suggestion of limiting choices to only two sounds impossible for me. I choose to agree with him because of my own shopping experience. Before I decided to my latest cell phone, I did a lot of research online: I read all the comments, watched all the clips about its functions and compared its price from different online stores. I was pretty sure that it would be the best fit for me. However, after I used it for a month, I found it worthless despite of its fancy appearance. I chose my digit camera in a simpler way. I knew I liked it at first sight so I decided to buy it. I had no idea of all the functions of it when I bought it. But now it is working quite well, which is “serendipity” for me, I guess.  I think what the author try to tell us is that people should simply limit their choices and be happy with whatever choice they have made.

Honestly, I don't know if i should categorize myself as maximizer or satisfier. I do look for choices and go through every single options. I always look for the best option before deciding something but after I decided on something, I have never regretted doing it. I am always contended with things in my life and is always grateful for everything that has happened (i know i sound so religious, but I do feel that way!). I am always satisfied with my decisions.

As for allowing serendipity, I always believe in it. There are things in life that happens by chance, and the fact that it happens for a good reason makes you extremely happy and grateful about your life. There are many things in my life that I consider as serendipity. But, I also believe that things happen for a purpose.

For instance, since my first day in Bryn Mawr, I have been experiencing serendipities. The current one is about my social security card. I had a terrible day on Friday but I received my social security number which totally made my day. If I do not have my social security number by this week, my employer (Uncommon Ground) will cut off my employment. It was supposed to arrive in two weeks' time but I received mine earlier.

I know some people will disagree with me when I considered that as serendipity, but having serendipities in life will definitely makes you feel more satisfied with your life (I second Schwartz). There are serendipities in your life but it depends whether you want to consider them and be thankful for it or just ignore them. I will definitely cherish every serendipity I have in life because it totally makes me feel contended with my life. Serendipity has helped me to be grateful for things that have happened and be more satisfied with my life.

 Using the little dictionary on my mac, serendipity is defined as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. I somewhat agree with his statement that to increase satisfaction we must allow for serendipity, however, I don't think that we can only rely on 'chance'. I think that we can achieve happiness through a mixture of both chance and planned 'things' (events?) . One example that i can think of right off the top of my head is choosing to come to Bryn Mawr. I think that all the work and effort to apply & get into Bryn Mawr wasn't 'lucky chance' -- everyone got in because they worked hard and made academics a priority. However, for me at least, I think it was 'serendipitous' that I ended up applying to Bryn Mawr. I was talking to my friend (who is a fellow mawrter :D) about college apps, and she raved about bmc and so I looked it up and sort of, on a whim, decided to apply.  I'm sooooo glad that I did because I really really love it here, and I can't really imagine how it would be going somewhere else. So in this case, the lucky chance of talking to my friend and her raving about bmc led me to apply and eventually come here. 

So i somewhat agree that to increase satisfaction is to 'allow for serendipity', however, I don't think that you can only rely on serendipity. If i hadn't worked hard in high school, then the lucky conversation i had with my friend wouldn't have mattered because I wouldn't have gotten in and had the option of coming here. I think that you are mostly in control of your own happiness, and luck plays a very small roll. 

I must be somewhat of a maximizer. I value hard work as a great factor in luck. I seems to me that the more effort is put into something, the better the results. This logic might seem contradictory to The Paradox of Choice, but I believe that when Schwartz is talking about the anxiety from working on various choices, it is a different kind of work. The excruciating effort he describes in his book that are the cause for people's dissatisfaction appears to be misguided. Work on choice is spread thin because of the copious amounts of choice.  If the same amount of work is directed at only a few choices, as Schwartz indicates, more satisfactory results are perceived. I must agree with those who have stated that allowing for serendipity is to have a certain mindset. Along the same lines of shifting perspectives when working with choice, when one changes the way she looks at a certain event, it can lead to a reevaluation of a situation. If the red ribbon had not been wished for, it may not have seemed like serendipity.

In applying this concept to my own life, I think of this perspective change. Allowing for serendipity in my life would mean a conscious shift in judgment of circumstances. My first tour of this campus seemed like serendipity. Much like the ribbon story, I had just came from Smith. My experience was not what I had hoped for. I wished very badly to like Bryn Mawr, the last school on my list of East Coast college visits. It felt like fate when I walked on campus, but perhaps that was because I had set myself in the position to accept this accidental good fortune. I had just come from a rather bad experience at what had been my first choice school. I had only Smith and Bryn Mawr on the East Coast as my choices (limited choices, focused effort on the decision). Bryn Mawr was my last hope for an East Coast school. Did I set myself up for the unexpected blessing of this campus? Perhaps.

When I read the question this week, I was thinking about what exactly serendipity is and I realized that although I have a working understanding of what this word means, I couldn't actually give a definition. I was happy to see that Maiya had already provided us with a definition. One part of the definition that seems a bit strange to me, however, is how it the word is a faculty for making unexpected pleasant discoveries. I do not really understand how someone can have an aptitude for making accidental discoveries. Isn't it all chance? If we consider Eva's story about the red ribbon again, I can't see how this had anything to do with Eva's ability to experience unexpected happy events. It seems like the red ribbon showed up on the door independently of Eva's actions.

The idea of allowing serendipity also made me think about how most young children are taught about random acts of kindness.When we unexectedly do something nice for someone else, are we maybe helping the other person experience serendipity? I think that by teaching people at a young age that it is important to help others, often anonymously, we are actually teaching children to create serendipity in the world.

 I also agree that it depends on the person whether or not they are able to experience serendipity in their life. There are some people who are very intent on controlling every aspect of their life, and because of that, anything out of the ordinary may not be seen in a positive light. On the other hand, there are many people who do not like to live very structured lives and because of that, they can find joy in the smallest things that happen to them in day to day life. Neither of these two extremes is necessarily a preferred on to find yourself in. Even if it is true that we are unhappy when we try to control our lives too much, there are people who only feel comfortable when they are in control of every aspect of their life and so to them, this instances of "serendipity" might not bring about the same feelings as those who live a less structured life. I remember when I was watching a TV show a few years ago and the entire plot line of the episode had somewhat to do with the idea of serendipity. One of the characters wanted to be more spontaneous but in attempting to be spontaneous, they only managed to plan things out more and the result was that they were entirely unhappy. I hope that I can mind the middle ground between allowing for serendipity while at the same time being able to structure my life to some extent.