In reading Eva's man I came to the realization that even though the structure of the book is meant to be read with time being all over the place and not structured I found myself structuring it.  I found myself organizing Eva's life into order even though Eva wasn't doing that herself.  I understood that the author structured the book this way in order to evoke more meaning and really enter a mind of someone that has been truly traumatized.  You aren't suppose to fully understand, you are just suppose to experience the book and not try to restructure it for your own better understanding.  After I read the book and completely pieced together Eva's life in an order that I understood, I stopped an thought why was I doing this?  I was doing it because that is how I have been taught to understand books and have been programed that the way for a long time.  I have been stuck in normative time for so long will I ever be able to fully escape it?  

I had mentioned a powerful RadioLab podcast in class last week about a prolific serial killer, the Green River Killer, who was never really able to understand why he killed. I made this reference to connect with Eva's inability to understand why she killed Davis and that maybe the deep, underlying reasoning for the killing of another human being may never be understood.

7:30 is when the story begins on the RadioLab podcast titled "Why are bad guys bad?": http://www.radiolab.org/story/180166-why-be-bad/. It's really a fascinating story that is worth your 10 minutes of time! 

After an intensive interrogation with Gary Ridgway, the Seattle-based serial killer, special detectives tried to get Gary to divuldge the details and secrets to the 49 murders of female prostitutes, including the one question that everyone really wanted to know: why?

Gary's most satisfying confession still does not present us with a concrete answer, "I just needed to kill because of that." Neither Eva nor the people around her seem to understand why she killed Davis, but outsiders seem to believe that there must be a true reason hidden beneath her silence.

In Gary's case, after talking to psychiatrists, forensic psycologists, and detectives, a clear patter in conversation would begin and point to the musing that we would never figure out the underlying reason why some humans kill other humans. 

Since I wasn’t able to participate in the silence activity in class on Thursday, I thought I’d share my thoughts about it here.

Silence is solitary, personal; it reflects inner turmoil, past musings, incessant thoughts.

Inside that silence, there is power. Power to keep truths guarded and personal, or to refrain from conflict. There is also repression (but this is only perceived by others). In choosing not to express ideas, feelings, memories, stories, silence becomes what another interprets.

Inside that power is manipulation. The Silenced could be misinterpreted because their silence does not divulge their intentions, actions, thoughts, etc.

For Eva, I think her silence is stifling. She is a product of what people make of her. She has had no claim in who she is, for she relies on other’s mistaking the way she looks at them, the way she presents herself. I feel as though she has a childlike way of not speaking. She lacks self-awareness, and this prevents her from realizing early on how her self-presentation is being misconstrued. If she had known earlier how others were seeing her, before the recurrent abuse started, she then could’ve tailored herself to not be what was wasn’t an adolescent. It’s after years of abuse that she conforms to what others think of her. She assumes that identity as her own. Instead she just kept quiet. But, at the same time, she is almost passively defiant because when she speaks, it is usually to say, “Naw.” She has the power, but does not externalize it, never loud enough for her to be heard.  

Eastern State Penitentiary is the most harrowing place I have ever been in. I walk into one of the wings and it’s like I have stepped onto the set of a post-apocalyptic film. The silence is so thick, it’s like pea soup. I could feel my breath whistle through my ears. Tomahawk and I stepped into one of the preserved cells. I trace the lonely bed frame and shiver as I look up to the skylight, aptly named the Eye of God. Steve Buscemi, the narrator of the audio guide we were listening to, tells me that the prison guards wore felt booties over their shoes so the prisoners couldn’t hear them stomp by. I peek out onto the row again and look at the cells with closed doors. Though I am sure my mind is playing tricks with me, I swear I can hear indistinct whispering and shuffles coming from the closed cells. I could feel the mental decay and despair the inmates felt when this place was in operation. I fold my arms over my stomach and shrink back into the cell. 

Eastern State Penitentiary’s Quaker reformers had high hopes to create one of the first revolutionary and successful prisons of their time.  Their model was the largest and most expensive ever erected and soon inspired other prisons and jails across the world.  It’s grand gothic architecture was successful in isolating prisoners and minimizing contact between inmates.  Eastern State was the first prison to offer heating and plumbing in every cell, a luxury not even available to the President in the White House at the time.  Beforehand, prisons treated inmates with extreme physical punishment and labor.  Eastern State took on a new approach where they left criminals alone in their cells to contemplate their wrongdoings and repent.  This horrible neglect did not produce the results that were highly anticipated, however.  Much more torture than privilege, criminals were forced to remain alone in their cell without contact or communication with the outside world.

I attended a public high school in the heart of Los Angeles’ inner city, a predominately black neighborhood, characterized by poverty, drugs, gang activity, and violence. This environment is similar to that of schools in many cities across the country, and I have felt some of the negative effects of a public school system operating on a normative standard  that does not fully encompass their students’ multifaceted lives as a result of their low socioeconomic status. 

How can middle and high schools accommodate both genderqueer students (including transgender and gender-fluid individuals) and students with learning disabilities?

Samantha Plate

Play In The City

11/10/2013

      Solitary confinement. Two words today known as one of the worst types of punishment. However, back in 1829, solitary confinement was thought to be the solution to crime in America. Reformers thought that they could help criminals rather than merely punishing them. They hoped this brand new prison system would be the start of a great reformation across the country. However, human nature is not made for solitary confinement. The conditions of the prison began to cause a huge detriment to both the prisoners and the workers. Both groups had to struggle to keep from growing insane, causing an even bigger tension between the two groups. However, once the prisoners and guards realized that they weren’t all that different, they were able to work together to create a better environment for the both of them.

During class this Thursday, we talked about the concept of time, specifcally in reference to Eva's Man. We debated the different ways it operates in different kinds of time (queer time, crip time, traumatic time, etc). I began to wonder if the time within the novel works within any of these concepts of time at all, or perhaps if it exists in all of these concepts of time at once. Perhaps there is a blend of different concepts of time within it. From this thought I began to wonder if, by defining concepts of time by "queer time" or "crip time," we give those concepts their own "normative" boundaries. Though these concepts are different from normative time, they have their own set of rules (however flexible they are) and have a defined nature to them. Perhaps time is not supposed to be defined, but to exist in its own way; for time to go by undefined by the concepts we create in our minds. Everything exists within the bounds of time, and yet we choose to define it as if we have any control over the matter.

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..I think I can articulate a little better what exactly frustrates me so much about the intense religiosity of our group. 

But first thing's first. I was actually really touched by Alicia's prophecy -- both the content and her delivery. Something that struck me in particular was he warning of the distractions that would soon try and derail us from our paths and the responses we should give" "I am doing great work, I cannot come." I often get caught in this cycle of reading about other people (especially college students) and all they've accomplished in their lives. I've effectively convinced myself out of thinking I even have a shot of receiving the Truman, a scholarship I've been working towards for almost a year. But something about Alicia's words boosted me out of that ditch I'd been slipping into. I don't know what it was, and it doesn't seem right to approach her prophecy with an analytical lens at this point, but it worked, so thank you, Alicia.