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Why Do We Blush
Biology 103
2003 First Paper
On Serendip
Why Do We Blush
Maria Scott-Wittenborn
I have blushed easily all my life. I simply accepted it as unavoidable that whenever I spoke in class, arrived somewhere late or was singled out for praise or correction that my face would redden significantly. As a young child I simply assumed that everyone blushed as much as I did, and that it was only my unusually pale skin that made my tendency towards blushing more apparent. But this is not, in fact, the case. Some people blush more than others do and some families blush more than others do (2). Some attribute blushing to social phobia, though it differs in that it is not accompanied by a change in pulse rate or blood pressure (1). Blushing is generally thought to be a response to embarrassment, but is the emotion that triggers blushing as broad and general as "embarrassed"? Or are there more nuances to the emotional cause of what Darwin termed "the most peculiar and most human of all expressions" (2)?
My personal experience is that I tended to blush not exactly when embarrassed per se, but rather whenever I felt I was making, or had made, myself vulnerable to the criticism of others. When something I had done, such as arrive late, broke a social rule. What I could not understand was the purpose blushing served; what use could this phenomenon have? It became clear as I researched the issue that one's propensity for blushing was directly linked to one's sensitivity to the opinion of others (4). However, actual phenomenon of blushing is an appeasement behavior designed to signal to the rest of the group that the individual in question realizes their social transgressions and asks for the group's approval or forgiveness (1). People, like myself who blush frequently, have an oversensitive and therefore inaccurate perception of what constitutes a breach of decorum resulting in more frequent episodes of blushing than someone who did not perceive themselves to frequently commit social transgressions. The source of negative self- attention that results in this need to appease the group and by extension which leads to blushing were divided into categories: threats to public identity, scrutiny and the accusation of blushing (3). All of these result in negative self- attention and the sense that some social norm has been breached, resulting in the perceived necessity for an appeasement behavior, in this case, blushing.
Threats to public identity or a perceived negative reaction of other's often leads to blushing (3). Indeed, many people cited situations in which they have been caught or doing something of which they are ashamed as leading to blushing (3). This is consistent with blushing as an appeasement behavior. The person caught doing something that they perceive to be "shameful" or "improper" would feel the need to signal to the rest of their group that they recognize their transgression. That they reject their actions because they share the values of the groups other members and therefore that the group should accept them despite their mistake (1). Babies, for example, who have no sense of social norms or how they are perceived by others, do not blush at all (2). Blushing increases, though, when strangers witness something that an individual views as unflattering or which puts them in a negative light. For example, when three people together watched a video of one of them singing, the person who had been recorded blushed much more than the strangers (5). I personally remember the torture of being sent to theatre camp and forced to sing at the end of the summer program. The only way that I could get through the song was to stand sideways on the stage looking away from the audience, into the wings. The sight of all the strangers watching me was simply more than I could take.
Scrutiny and receiving large amounts of attention may also lead to blushing even though it may not be negative attention (3). The most obvious example of this being when adolescents of the opposite gender are in one another's presence. This is less a response to a negative reaction on the part of the observer, but rather a fear of insufficiency on the part of the blusher (3). The obvious conclusion to draw from this is that being the center of attention, positive or negative, will lead to a heightened sense of self-awareness. The blusher may feel shame or humiliation if they are the subject of negative attention, for example a publicly chastised student. The blushing would then be intended to apologize, to signal their awareness of the inappropriate nature of their behavior to all who saw it (3). It is a fairly effective way to mitigate further attack, and people tend to see it as a conciliatory gesture (6).
The accusation of blushing has been seen to increase the blusher's state. The inference that 'you are blushing' hence 'you must have done something worth blushing about'. The expectation to blush can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, the same is true of verbal feedback that blushing is in fact taking place. This is due to the fact that a propensity to blush is a serious source of anxiety to an individual who from past experiences expects blushing to take place (7). In general, having one's blush pointed out to a given individual makes them much more socially uncomfortable, though it often seems to be the source of amusement for those who are not blushing (7).
While the exact causes of blushing vary widely from individual to individual, I feel that my own personal experiences with blushing are very much in keeping with the sources three situations conducive to blushing that were discussed above. If blushing is indeed an appeasement behavior, it explains much of why, despite it's apparent lack of use, that it plays a role in our culture. It is an interesting link between one's physical self and one's mental self. What one finds embarrassing or worth apologizing for can be seen in an involuntary physical response.
Sources
1) Stein, D J. Bouwer, C. Blushing and social phobia: a neuroethological speculation. Medical Hypothesis 1997; 49, 101-108.
2) Darwin, C. The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Chicago:Chicago University Press, 1872/1965.
3) Leary M R, Cutlip W D II, Brit T W, Templeton J L. Social blushing. Psychological Bull 1992; 3: 446-460.
4) Self-conciousness, self-focused attention, blushing propensity and fear of blushing, An article dealing with the the role that self-awareness plays in the cause and frequency of blushing
5) Empathetic Blushing in Friends and Strangers, An article dealing with the issue of blushing out of sympathy or empathy for another
6) Blushing may signify guilt, An article exploring the role that blushing plays in ambiguous situations of guilt or wrong-doing.
7)
The impact of verbal feedback about blushing on social discomfort
and facial blood flow during embarrassing tasks, An article exploring how being made aware of one's blushing tendancies by others affects the individual who is blushing.
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11/04/2005, from a Reader on the Web Hi Serendip, I share the same thoughts as you and Blushing has become nearly a everyday routine to me. I am hindered by the moments that I feel I will blush and when I speak in class thus making me feel out of placed and looked stupid. I really wonder if there is some kind of cure to this?? Regards, Erina
I enjoyed the article. For the past ten years I have been struggling with social anxiety disorder. By facing my fears and continuing to be involved in social interaction, I feel I've made great progress. However, I continue to blush to an extreme. When I blush it often results in facial contortions which are not in the least bit amusing to the people around me. It is unsettling to them and as I observe the look on their faces, it stirs within me a panic attack, making me more nervous. Some people who were once my friends, now seem to go out of their way to avoid me, even certain family members. There are people I feel comfortable around and don't usually blush in their presence. Usually, they are older people, immigrants, or people who also have some sort of an affliction. Also, as I get "use" to people, I seem to not blush. In turn, some people have gotten use to me. Personally, I take my blushing with a grain of salt, but it is difficult for me to enjoy intimacy with any one. I have been divorced for seven years and I would like to start dating again, but I feel my blushing is an obstacle. I seem to no longer have any close friends and this bothers me because I use to have lots. Fortunately, I am a private person and don't let the lack of intimate friends get me down too much. But recently I feel the need to be more socially involved. I have been to councelling. I am not interested in taking medication to control my blushing even if there are drugs that would help. Do you know of any foods that might increase the blushing response - foods that I should avoid? Or, do you know of any foods that might minimize the blushing reflex? I live about 20 miles east of Cleveland. Are there any support groups in this area for people that blush to the extent I do? Also, I would like to volunteer to work with social phobics, not only to help someone else, but I feel this would help me too. Thank you
Thanks for presenting your knowledge on blushing in such an academic and helpful way. I also am a frequent blusher, but never could understand the reason for my problem, because it happens even when I don't feel embarrassed at all! But thanks for your help. Bless you.
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thanks for the informative article, im a blusher, not only when i do wrong things, but also when i laugh when i talk, go into discussion, maybe because i get interested in everything i do, and the things that disturbs me that people immediately point it out saying "oh why your face is red" and that moment just kills... im a kind of a person who can't lie and very honest, whenever i try lying my faces blushes and i get caught, that's really annoying and i think the only way to solve this problem is to mingle and sit in a group and talk to alot of people, but unfortunately, my personality deosn't allow to do that since that i don't like mingling wih people and keep avoiding them, thanx again, we blushers are honest and whenever we see another blusher , we never tell him that his face is red because we know how it feels ... Noureddine, 15 September 2006
I consider blushing on par with a curse!!! Blushing has been my enemy from an extremely young age, which is why I felt the need to respond to this article. The author says "Babies, for example, who have no sense of social norms or how they are perceived by others, do not blush at all." I must dispute that theory. When I was still in diapers (under a year old - since I was potty trained by 1 year old) when my mom would change my diaper if my dad was in the room and made a comment my face would turn red. I, in fact, remember my face feeling very hot. My mother confirms this, saying I would turn red very red - even as a baby. How do you explain that? It was also stated that it is purely a social reaction because it doesn't happen when alone. I beg to differ. Recently I was painting my bedroom - all alone in the house. I realized I had chosen the wrong sheen - semi gloss instead of satin - and I turned totally red! I wasn't embarrassed at all. I simply realized it was the wrong sheen. My face seems to tuen red even when I truly don't feel embarassed. Then it makes me ebarassed because I'm red and people THINK I'm embarrased. Besides a red face, sometimes my neck even turns blotchy red. What other possibliity is there for such blushing, besides social embarrasement? ... Renee R, 20 September 2006
I have had a blushing problem all my life and it generally comes on when I am "on the spot" in a board meeting or being challenged by a colleague on any subject, important or otherwise. It seems to be getting worse as I get older! I am now 57 and feel it could hold me back from the final years of my career and would welcome any thoughts as to how to control it. I doubt I could take medication as I am on blood pressure treatment as it is!! ... John Scott, 9 November 2006
i blush so much! i hate it and i mean that i turn red i get so scared and so then i just want to cry because it is so bad ant i want to now how to make it stop. so plz help me because i want to be able to go up and talk to my class and not turn red and be able to have a boyfriend to without being Red ... Jennifer, 20 November 2006
I to have the case of blushing. I am always worried about what I will do to digger a blush act. I always blush when people look my way or when I am involved in activities such as running. Then I get hot and my face gets really red. Also I used to live in Washington state and only meet one other person at my school who blushed as much as me. Needless to say she and I became close friends. On moving back to Oregon I have meet many people that blush like I do. I will sit in seventh period and see lots of people who have this same problem. I think it is funny because they make fun of people who do it, yet when they are made fun of they...blush. It used to be that I would only like darker boys bacause I didn't want the chance that my kids would have to live with this ... JJ, 12 December 2006
Can anyone explain this situation. When I see a male friend, of whom I am very fond (and I think he is also interested in me), he blushes hopelessly. Is this an indication that he does not like the attention I give him, or is his blushing a sign that he feels inferior and is unable to express his feelings? ... Elizabeth Lilley, 13 April 2007
My problem has to a very huge degree spoiled my life. I have withdrawn from everything there was to enjoy in life. I even blush when I'm alone. I simply dread it. I know I've been talked about a lot. I have let friends drift from me and my family. I have lost jobs - one particular one 13 years ago I still think about with total horror. I have been described as different = (this is a word they use for people with problems like this in the Health Authority). I have heard a boss say that my problem was very disconcerting.
I would love to have had a life free of blushing. It is very controlling in that I have no control over it. I know other people are like me but I have never met anyone. I have read about operations but they are so expensive. The Highfield Hospital in London perform them ... Brenda Sheffield, 13 May 2007
Hi. Thank you very much for your very informative, as well as sensitive, posting on the subject of blushing. I discovered your site as I searched for links related to allergic reactions related to alcohol with skin flushing. Your posting has been particularly helpful as I have considered the relationship between blushing and the "allegic" response, which I believe in both case are nothing more than conditioned reactions within the mind and have nothing to do with the body, at the causal level, at all. Your posting has enabled me to form some potential emotional links to my "allergic reaction", as I realize it occurred when I was dealing with some thoughts steeped in inferiority and littleness along with some memories of a situation where I perceived judgment. Thank you for helping me better understand the cause, at its true source, of my reaction and how it is so closely attuned to the condition which to most sounds indeed more benign of blushing. This has helped remove the fear I had tagged to my experience. Now may we all realize the truth of who we really are, at one with each other, far beyond any reactions of either grandiosity OR littleness, and may we rest in the love of that union. Thank you! ... Mary, 21 May 2007
wow, you are an amazing writer, i must say i really enjoyed the article/paper.
i have struggled with this myself, but it started when i was around 15 years old, or at least it was then when i became aware of it. when ever i had to stand up to speak in class, etc (the other things you pointed out your self in the article) i will blush to a point that even my eyes will water, im 24 now and in vet-college and still got the problem, smaller crouds might not get me to blush though. i related a lot to one of the persons comments here, where he explained he used to have many friends and very sociable, till developing social fobia, hardly having any friends anymore. im going through that myself.
it was comforting to read about other peoples expierences related to this, i had never heard about other cases before, any advice is welcome! thanks for sharing ... Christian, 25 June 2007
The article and comments on blushing are very interesting. I'm 51 and I've blushed forever. I HATE IT, but I don't let it hinder me. I can think about a particular thing and I'll blush when I'm all alone - go figure! I've always tried to deny the fact that I'm timid because I see it as weakness, but the fact is, I don't like attention drawn to me. But I've had a very successful career in the corporate world and now I've switched gears to go into counseling. I hope my blushing doesn't make people feel uncomfortable, because I'm actually fine - I just have a bright red face -- which I guess could be pretty cool at Christmas! ... Reader on the web, 7 December 2007
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| This paper reflects the research and thoughts of a student at the time the paper was written for a course at Bryn Mawr College. Like other materials on Serendip, it is not intended to be "authoritative" but rather to help others further develop their own explorations. Web links were active as of the time the paper was posted but are not updated. |
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Comments
blushing
Good grief! i'm home sick today and just read all of these postings. Just want to say that I am 53 and have always been a "blusher." But reading these makes me realize that my blushing really has diminished over the years... public school and my early adulthood years were the worst. Since then I've managed to make it through school for x-ray tech. and have worked at that for 13 years - I do sometimes blush in social situations and still in classes when doing presentations (I'm working on a BA degree for social work) - I have tried taking Inderal (10mg) before a presentation and it worked to some degree - made me feel dopey though and like someone else said "stoned" and not really that good (I really don't want to have to take anything or have any surgeries!)
But it was very interesting reading everyone's stories - I'd say just accept and love yourself for who you are ...I think growing and working at something outside of yourself and knowing that you are a good person will help ... but of course, if you find a sure cure, let me know! ;-)
red neck and face
I have been blushing since I can remember. It first started with just a quick blush on my face only with I was a little girl. My family made fun of me a lot for what ever reason, and because of that I lost some confidence. It started to get worse after I got married. It started as blushing on my chest and neck area, which could last for several hours!!! They were little and only a few people would see and make comments. I did not know what was happening so I just brushed it off. Soon after, I passed my nursing boards and was working for a major hospital with oncology patients. My first emergency on the hospital floor I walked out with a blushing chest, neck and face. Again it lasted for several hours and I was really hot. Because of that, I was more aware of the blushing and I started to blush more often. Sometime I would blush for no reason, or I was under some type of stress, or felt stupid. When people started to make comments it ALWAYS made it worse. It started to control my life and I would shy away from doing certin tasks at work because it would make me blush. These were skills that I loved to do in nursing school and I did a very good job at it. I would also not go to outings if it was to hot or if I where nervous. So about 2 and 1/2 yrs ago I had the surgery that cuts the nerve that controls the blushing. It did help the blushing for no reason, but now I am told by a Dermatologist that I do have Rosacea that was caused by the excessive blushing. The surgery did not help the blushing that happens when I am nervous. Just this last week, I met with my boss (she scares me, there is something about her I am not confortable with, people have never scared me like she does) and I go soooo nervous that I ended up blushing for most of the 2 hr meeting. It started on my chest and moved to my face. The blushing lasted about an hour afterwards. Just thought I wanted to share, I always felt I was the only one. Good luck to all of you fellow blushers, try to not be so hard on yourself!!!
neck blushing, its really horrible!
Has anyone had problems with your neck blushing? I mean blotchy really red blotches! When I get nervous, excited or when people get confrontational with me (I work in the public). When speaking in meetings or meeting with new clients sometimes, my neck breaks out in red blotches. As just as face blushing, when they say "whats wrong with your neck?" I get redder & it takes a long time to go away, sometimes 10-15 minutes! I want to wear a turtle neck every day, just in case, but I hate turtle necks.
Neck blushing
Yes, that happens to me all the time! And it looks horrible!
i have the exact same
i have the exact same problem, it fully sux and i dont really know anyone else that gets it. When i drink alcohol, or get embarrased or nervous i go so red especially on my neck, chest and cheeks. Is there any possible cure??? I often have to have cold showers. :(
Maybe this helps?.....I cant live life like this.
i dont have a cure, but i've started taking rescue remedy tablets which seem to be helping with hypersensativity, and i'm really happy.... they've been helping so much at school. they make me a bit sleepy and i take way too many a day (i take two at the beginning of every lesson. lessons are 45 mins and there are 7 in a school day. oops....) but there aren't any real side effects or overdose risks. i'm 16 and have just started blushing excessively at the beggining of grade eleven. i have no idea what triggered it or why it started suddenly. it kind of happened like this: i was at a friends house, and i walked into the lounge where a guy was sitting on the couch, and the minute he looked at me i went red. then he commented on it and it obviously became horribly worse.
then over the course of the next few days i kept getting into embarrassing situations which made me blush naturally, situatuions in which anyone would blush. but the frequency of all those blushing incidents in such a short time period seemed to scar me for life, and from then on i've been blushing so easily its scary.
the worst must have been when the class clown, came up to me and started being all seductive, just as a joke. i was laughing so much but then i went red. and everyone was like oooh, she likes him, shes going so red! etc. it was humiliating.
its so horrible to get hot and flustered all the time. not only is it embarrassing, its physically uncomfortable. you sweat, your head pounds, you get so hot, plus you have to deal with all the stress, worry and embarrassment.
but sometimes, to me, it feels really good. i know that sounds weird, but if i didn't look red, i would enjoy the feeling. it sends like a wave of heat through through me and a sort of numbness, and tingles through your body to your toes. its quite amazing.
anyway now i'm rambling on. i just didn't want to repeat the same damn things everyone else is saying. although i will say this, its incredible to find so many people like this, who have been so affected and stressed by it that they went on the internet to find some help.
its such an issue for me that it has lead me to love alcohol, and be very dependant on it. its the most effective cure i've found, one drink and i can say anything without going red. i know its bad but i love alcohol. its my savior, along with these rescue pills (BY THE WAY I'VE FOUND THAT THE PILLS ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THEN THE DROPS- dissolve them under your tongue, and they don't taste foul. but they also don't taste so good that you're tempted to eat them like sweets, which is good because i have a real sweet tooth!)
it also lead to cutting.....i used to get so angry at myself that i'd want to hurt myself. why was my body doing this to me? it was sabotaging me. my mind said i was calm and relaxed but my skin told another story. so i would cut myself. i broke apart one of those disposable razors, took out one of the two blades, and made long, shallow (i couldn't handle deep)cuts along my ankles ( i tried my wrists before but i was tired of hiding them all the time, it was way too visible and easily spotted.)
But i've stopped that now. i'm blessed to have very good looks (i've got that sort of very cute, pretty girl look, or so i've been told) so my blushing is "cute".....however infuriating it is to me. its nice to know that people dont see me as a weird freak, or that my blushing makes people avoid me etc.
ANYWAY. who knew i had so much to say (i'm not one to waste my breath, i'm shy and not talkative at all) but i could honestly go on for days on this topic. good luck to all you blushers, i'm hoping it'll be something i grow out of, if not i'm going to have that operation with the blood vessel, or get hypnosis. i can't live life like this.
be sure to buy some rescue tablets though, about R66.00 a bottle. hopefully they work for you too.
XOXO
Watch out to try to remove
Watch out to try to remove the symphtons instead of dealing with the reasons behind...
No more rings around the rosie
Hey guys, when I was in high school around the 9th grade, I used to have this same problem. Even when someone would look at me in class I would turn bright red. I would then try to hide it by putting my head down on the desk or pretending to dig through my bag. But it would just get worse. I think sometimes this has to do with adolesense because I am 25 now and rarely will I blush. But when I do, I act like its not a big deal, if I'm with people I will say things like "I have no idea why I'm blushing", because usually I am truly not embarased but blush for no reason. Blushing is natural, you must re-wire your brain to think that its not a big deal. The more you think of it as not a big deal, the less you will blush.
Haha,I'm a 17 year old girl
Haha,I'm a 17 year old girl and I think it's so cool to see people with the same problems. Honestly, there are points in time where I'd forget that I have a problem with blushing and I'll stop for a bit. But then once something triggers the blush again, I'd start this whole chain of blushing for about a month. I find that if I don't think too hard about blushing, it won't happen as often, but it's sooo hard.
Something that helps me calm down is that if I just announce lightheartedly, "Yeah, I know I'm blushing, okay?" or something along those lines. Then generally, they just ignore it, it peaks, and then I'm calm again.
However, for social interaction in public like with cashiers or asking for help, I still sweat/blush like crazy at times and need help overcoming it. It seems that the more I expose myself to it, the more I worry over it, no matter how much I say to myself that it's no big deal.
i'm so glad to found that
i'm so glad to found that lot's of people actually experiencing it too. i thought i was weird coz i don't see many people blushing in my whole life. i'm 24 and my friends still making fun of me and intentionally making me blush "oh here it comes here it comes!! the blush!" i wasn't blushing until they said that exact lines. really..
i remember i was in a meeting of a project in my office.. n one of the manager told me that he's going to take me out in front other managers n staffs (he's married and have children)!! geez!!! n he said to the other manager "hey hey look she's blushing!". n they both laughed at me! it's very very uncomfortable for me. but they think that it's cute. *doh*
seems like i'll get this kind of treatment everywhere if i can't control my blushing meter...
Blushing
I am 13 and am in my last year of middle school and i have blushed every since last year. I hate blushing!I blush when people stare at me,talk to me (if their not my close friends),get confused when i try to explain something,dont hear me,point out when im blushing...( it goes on )I simply hate it!I always think that people think im stupid or werid... (The doctor said i might have social anxiety)I cant control it and want to get rid of it!Is there a Cure?
Extreme Blushing
It really makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only person out there that blushes over everything. I wish I didn't have to live like this, but there's nothing I can do. I blush over nothing, and blush over everything. I go to the store and make my bf pay, because I know I will turn bright red when paying just because I feel like I'm being stared down or judged. I love going to the mall, but I'm always cautious with the fear I'm going to run into someone I know and embaress myself. I can't say hi to someone I haven't seen in a long time, I have to avoid them so I don't look like a fool. I'll walk down the street and my boyfriend or cousin will joke or say something to me and they'll laugh at me if I turn bright red. And it's not just my face, my ears, my neck, my arms and chest all turn as red as a tomato. I currently don't have my license and am scared to drive because I'm afraid if I'm driving my face will turn red, and my mind will go blank because I can't hide it, that I'll cause an accident because I don't have a clear mind. If I talk to people and I feel like there's a bunch of people staring at me, I kind of panic internally, which shows externally on my face. I can't hide anything or have any secrets. I tried hiding it from my bf, which he still doesn't know how bad it hurts me. One time he was here and his sister stopped by my apt. building because his other sister lives next door to me, and he wanted to introduce me to her. As soon as I saw them walking towards me I started burning up and I shook her hand and just turned around akwardly pretending to look for something on the ground until she walked away. Later I had to relive the embaressment when my bf reminded me of how red i was and that he had to make an excuse and say i was really shy to her. She probably thinks I'm a freak. And all through school someone would talk to me, and if i knew other people were looking at me while i talked, I would turn red and then theyd be like omg why is your face so red. I wish I knew myself, but life is so difficult. Life is short and I feel like I'm holding back from so much in life. I don't even have a job right now because I don't want to have one where I deal face to face with people like as a waitress or a cashier at a store. Especially if I see someone I know. If anyone knows anything I can do to stop this, please help. Thanks for listening.
You're gonna be ok.
Dear Ashley,
I too used to have this problem in school. I would turn bright red and try to hide my face by laying my head down on the desk or pretending I was digging in my bag for something. I know how bad it hurts and how the fear can grip you. What you are going to have to do, is just accept it. When you truely accept it it will begin to happen less often. The next time you blush around someone, no matter how bad it hurts just keep on talking like normal. If they say something about it, just make a comment like "I know I'm blushing, I have no idea why". This will begin to calm you and help you to accept yourself for who you are. Blushing is not a bad thing, it just has to do with your blood vessels and yours respond more sensitively. People are not thinking your stupid, or a freak. Most of the time people are just thinking of themselves anyway. You can get through this. It will go away, as soon as you accept it.
blushing hate it
Thanks for your advice its made me feel alot better aboyt my self but still dont think it will go away
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means so much to know that I am not the only one going through this and other people know how i feel. I've been having trouble accepting my problem, and now i know there is hope.
blushing
I am 47 and have blushed since I was very young 5-6. It is uncomfortable yes, but what can u do? Quit life or blush; I choose to blush and live life, sometimes my friends say things, but for the most part they just accept it. Matter of fact I think I am probably blushing at writing this.
I am a cop and get put in very uncomfortable public situations, where a red rose has nothing on me, but i continue to do my job and live. I don't hide. I tell my friends I have 2 colors white and red and if you don't like one, wait a second and it will turn again.
I am very white and don't tan, but instead have a redskin look as long as I am in the sun, but if i stay out of the sun I turn white again very quickly.
I am sensitive to what people say to me or around me, but I don't think that I am insecure.
On the lighter side one of my lady friends said she thinks it sexy. So there it is life for us all.
Your Red brother
UGH... Blushing
Wow, this article really opened my eyes!! i wish there was a cure for blushing though. I've had an issue with blushing long as i can remember. It's soo embarrasing and i have the biggest fear that someone will point it out to me or make fun of me. Because when they do, i get even redder. how pitiful, it really is. That feeling i get in my cheeks. it feels like they're on fire, burning up, and i can feel the blush coming on. I am a really outgoing person, not shy at all! I love talking to people and doing public presentations. But maybe i'm just really insecure about myself? i don't really know. It seems i blush when i'm talking to a really cute guy, when i get stressed out, or even when i'm just having a laugh with my friends or talking on the phone! You could read me like a book too.. when i lie, my face gets beat-red. Or when i'm nervous, anxious, embarrased, scared, hot, thoughtful. There's never a day i go without blushing.
I hate it sooooooo much!!!! I've gotten to a point where i try and cover up my cheeks with concealer, just to reduce the 'look'.
It's bad. :(
ITS REALLY GOOD TO KNOW THAT
ITS REALLY GOOD TO KNOW THAT IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS PROBLEM.I'M 23 YEARS OLD AND BLUSHED EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE SINCE BEING 8 YEARS OLD.SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I CANT FACE THE WORLD BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO UNCOMFATABLE TALKING TO ANYONE OR EVEN JUST WALKING DOWN THE STREET OR GOING TO THE CORNER SHOP.NOBODY UNDERSTANDS UNLESS THEY HAVE THIS PROBLEM THEMSELVES AND THATS WHY ITS SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE NO ONE I KNOW HAS THIS PROBLEM.I CRY ABOUT IT ALOT AND HAVE FOUND THAT THE ONLY THING I CAN DO TO GET A LITTLE BIT OF CONFIDENCE WHEN BEING IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS IS TO DRINK ALCOHOL.IV'E BEEN YO HYPNOTHERPY AND THAT DIDNT WORK,IVE BEEN ON ANTI-ANXIETY DRUGS BUT THEY DONT WORK.I LEAVE ALL MY JOBS BECAUSE OF THIS AND IT MAKES PEOPLE THINK IM LAZY BUT IM NOT IM JUST SCARED AND FEEL LIKE HIDING AWAY FROM EVERYONE.I SOMETIMES WISH EVERYONE WAS BLIND SO THEY WOULDT NOTICE ME GOING RED ALL THE TIME.I FEEL LIKE IF THERE IS NO CURE THEN I SEE MY LIFE BEING ISOLATED AND UPSETTING TILL THE DAY I DIE.IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
Blushing
I blush for any reason, and i have had thoughts of ending my life, because i cant see much point anymore, its really took hold of my entire life, im so uncomfortable all the time, everytime it happens which is all the time i lose control of what im talking about and end up talking nonsence and making myself look even more stupid. People jokingly call me boring now bcos if i start telling a joke then i go bright red and then forget the ending, my blushing holds me back on everything, i avoid all situations because of this. I dont want to sit at home on my own forever. I really want to have that operation even if it doesnt work, i think its worth a try, afterall considering how i am feeling now i think its worth the risk. Its an awful feeling when you feel your face and neck and chest go bright red. You just want the ground to swallow you up and hide you away and you feel like you cant talk to that person again now because they are waiting for you to blush, these storys are no good to me saying just ignore it, or its cute etc they dont help me at all. Basically i want to end my blushing and would really just like to hear from people who has found the answer tothis. THANK YOU.
Blushing at the age of 34
I have recently started blushing even in the presence of friends that I am very comfortable with and know them for many years now. Ive also noticed that normal subjects make me blush. What upsets me further is that I never used to have this problem, in fact, Im out going, most of the times centre of attention, and usually loud, even at work. With this recent change in me, I try to avoid speaking up as I did in the past, which is also impacting on my normal self as an ascertive person. I also started thinking that Im going through an early menopause, which ofcourse is not the case.
Kindly advise if any.
Thanks
I'm 28 and I have always
I'm 28 and I have always been quite shy and worried about doing the wrong thing and breaking rules. I blush when I have to talk about myself and the worst time ever was when flowers and a teddy bear were delivered to my work place from a boyfriend. I was shaking and so red and so out of control that I had to leave work and calm myself down. It's very comforting to know that other sensitive people suffer from the same problem. The only piece of advice I can give is to log the times when you blush and write down what caused the blushing and how long it lasted. This has helped me to be objective about it and when I blush I think of how interesting it will be to write it down and analyse it. Strangely, the more I've written it down, the less it's happening. I don't really understand why. Another thing that has helped me is to imagine life with no emotion, and being somebody who is as cool as a cucumber all the time. You wouldn't get that excited feeling before a first date, or the wonderful feeling of accomplishment and relief after a meeting or lesson has gone okay. I've found that 'enjoying' my extremes of emotion (I also cry at films, love deeply and laugh a lot) is the best way to deal with it. I'd love to be cool and never flustered, but I'm just learning not to take myself too seriously. One more thing: during one observed lesson I blushed so outrageously that I was red all day and even that night at home. I was mortified. Strangely though, after that day my students were much warmer and more open to me, and said that my blushing had shown i was just a normal person, not some strict, distant teacher. So it can have positive outcomes... good luck, everyone.
blushing
I wouldn't say I blush heaps but when I do I feel it burning my face, but when ,y 'friend' use to point out I was blushing, it only made me blush more because more people would look.
What I don't really understand is WHY we blush. I get that lots of blood suddenly pours into your face, but why?! I've heard of something like flight reaction or something which when you get nervous, embarrassed, worked up your body reacts with adrenalin and more blood to your face, which is in reality, your BRAIN so that you can THINK QUICKER. I think your body registers it as something terrible has happened, lots of adrenalin and blood need to be pumped around - especially lots of blood to the brain to think of quick ways to get out of the situation. Maybe this is right, when you blush do lots of thoughts go through your head?
What I find nerve wracking is giving speeches in front of a class. I think I don't look as nervous as I feel because my friend told me I didn't, and she gets nervous during speeches too - and I said you didn't look nervous either (which she didn't) even thought she told me she could feel hands shaking. So we delude ourselves into thinking we look ridiculous up there. My heart starts acting like it wants to jump out of my chest - it beats so fast, during speeches. I don't understand why people experience this during speeches. We're scared of how we look? sound? appear? that we'll screw something up? I just hate all the attention focused on me, 30 or so eyes glued to you.
blushing
I have read all the stories and i am feeling a lot better, because i know i am not the only one. I am almost 50 and have had this since i was 12. It really did hold me back for a long time and i finaly went to my dr. He prescribed effevexor and i feel a whole lot better. I think for me its loke a social phobia, anxiety, or god only knows why. All i know is i still blush but its not so bad as before the medication. The meds are costing me a fortune and i dont want to be on them forever, so i dont know what i will do?. I am trying to change how i feel and try to look my best all the time because when you feel you look good it seems you have a little bit more confidence and you dont blush as much. also i love the summer because i wear sunglasses and that helps a lot! even in the store where i blush the most meeting people i know. Thank you for allowing me to share, it really helps!.
I have never known anyone
I have never known anyone who blushes like I do. I find so much comfort in all of your stories and comments.
I am realizing it may be something I will never overcome (I am 40 years old). I consider myself painfully shy but I have lived a 'normal' life. I am married and have four children. I try to avoid social situations because I know I'll blush. It only bugs me if I know the people I am blushing in front of (I dread seeing people I know in the grocery store).
In a given situation, I usually blush for a minute or two and then kind of 'get over it' and don't blush again (unless someone calls me out on blushing).
I prefer dim lighting in a public place (I am fine in restaurants). Sunglasses make me more confident. Eye-contact makes me blush. The more confident I'm feeling about myself (if I think I look good, if I know what to expect in a situation, if I'm prepared about what someone might say to me) the less I blush.
The thing I hate most is when somebody comments on my blushing. Of course, I blush even harder. I have become very empathetic to others in my situation. If I notice someone blushing I completely ignore it. I wish others would do me the same courtesy.
.....
I am a very shy person and i tend to blush when someone is being mean and trying to get me to talk and them jus being an ass or when my crush is in the room ! i cant even look at his direction.....if i ever i would probably blush hella and he would know i like him....but i also blush when i dont know what to say to someone...
Just another fear then?
It seems that blushing is the reaction to a very general fear, just like a fear of heights, or spiders, or whatever else. Only difference is that our fears are clearly visible in our faces. It is great to know there are other people out there that experience the same thing. We are no freaks, we are just normal people experiencing fear in a different way, and I believe all fears can be controlled, or perhaps even overcome. The trick is not to focus on your face, but to focus on the words coming out your mouth. The less you focus on yourself, the less you will blush cause you won`t be thinking about it and if you don`t think about it, it doesn`t happen or get worst.
We just show our emotions in our faces. Unlike those cruel people who comment on your blushing that have no idea of emotions at all.
tomato face !
I'm 15, and I just realized that I'm having a problem with blushing. It's so annoying! I blush for no reason, it's actually kind of funny. But it's so embarrasing. And I've never been okay with being center of attention. For example today, my english teacher asked me a question and she had to point out that I blushing so the entire class turned their heads just to look at me. I pretended not to notice and spoke normally. Before my blushing wasn't as bad! :( I hope I can find a solution to this soon.
* Btw, this article has been very helpful. I now understand more clearly the reasons for why I blush. I can actually relate to many of the people that left comments. I'm not the only one lol =)
I blush at everything! it is
I blush at everything! it is so annoying. one time my favorite teacher told me she loved my shoes and my face turned so red i thought i was going to pass out! I am 15 and sing in the youth choir at church and it is really hard for me because every time we sing a song at church my face turns bright red. I can not even read out loud at school or answer a question (even if i know the answer) without turning crimson. it is not just a slight pink either. my face turns redder than a tomato.
I want to say "it's OK" but
I want to say "it's OK" but it's NOT!. I hate it with a passion. Just today I thought about how my life would be so much different if I did not blush. I could have a PhD.degree but I do not, rather I am only an associate. This stupid ideas on my head, so self conscious, so aware of myself and what people think of me. If I make a light joke with my co-workers I turn red. I want to make people laugh, I want to share my knowledge, I want to stand for what I believe, I want to have significant conversations even if it means to step on other peoples' shoes--who cares.
Believe me, all of my forty something life I have struggled with this problem.
There is hope though cause I know people that have become more of an extrovert after years of practice. So I thought of something I am going to do for myself: I thought, "I am a fighter, I will not back down, I will fight, I will beat this giant, if other people can do it so can I because I am a fighter."
I am going to look for support groups, and I am going to beat this. You know what it is? It is fear of stepping outside of our comfort zone. But you know something, this is when real learning takes place. Let me know if it works for you.
Reading everyone's comments
Reading everyone's comments on the subject of blushing is almost like reading my own life story. I never knew that this was so widespread. I also think of how different my life would be if I did not blush. It's one thing to be shy, I can deal with that, but when the physical aspect of turning red takes over I cringe in embarrassment and want to escape.
I'm 49 years old and have been dealing with this since having to give oral reports in front of my fifth grade class. The real kicker though is that I am a musician. I love to play guitar, write songs and play on stage. Imagine the irony of performing the music that you love and blushing till your face burns red. I do better on a big stage with other band members(so not all the attention is on me) than I do strumming my guitar for 2 or 3 people in my living room. Blushing has held me back from a successful career in music in many ways.
I've learned one way to deal with blushing is to face it head on, and really have the attitude that, ok I'm going to turn red but I don't really care what people think of me. A lot of times people will comment, look at how red he gets, but I just try to smile, accept it and carry on a conversation until the embarressment passes.
One saying I got from a book were 4 lines that I wrote down and referred to now and again regarding the circumstance in which you blush. They are 1 face, do not turn and run,2 accept,do not fight it, 3 float past, do not listen in as in focusing on your reddening face, 4 let time pass do not be impatient with time this will not go away over night.
I could write a book about my experiences and hope to find a support group of some sort to exchange ideas about dealing with this blushing issue.
reply
Hello, I'm "J". it is hope and comfort to know someone understands. I'm around your age. All I can say is that this problem unites us and makes us stronger. One thing that has helped me, somewhat, is joining ToastMasters. I found a small group near where I live. I recommend it to anyone.
strangers!!
I blush whenever I meet strangers.so it's awfully bad when i came to the first day of school,and i cannot stand it when i am studying at the library,when a stranger sit beside or in front of me,i blush.blimey,what am i gonna do? it feels awkward when i blush and other people watch me...as a matter of fact,there's nothing worth blushing,nobody teasing,nothing embarrassing...
Do you really want it gone?
Every one of responses the that I have read sound exactly like what life is like for me. I blush when a teacher calls on me in class, when anything remotely embarrassing happens to me, when I remember something that was embarrassing that happened to me, when someone pays attention to me in a negative or positive manner, when I see or get in close contact with someone I find attractive, and even remembering and talking about blushing can make me blush. Running into anyone, even a good friend, when I'm not expecting to see them can turn up the heat on my face. Not to mention the fact that as soon as someone mentions how red my face is turning my automatic response is to turn a shade of red most commonly found on stop signs and fire trucks.
As awkward and painful as those experiences can be at the time, once I have calmed down and let the blood drain from my face I cannot imagine myself without it. I can imagine how much more convenient and easy those experiences would be, but I cannot, for the life of me, picture myself being who I am without blushing.
So as much as I would love to meet someone I'm attracted to and have the ability to not only have him not be entirely aware that I find him so because of the color of my face, but to speak as well knowing this fact, the idea that I would not have a face red and warm from blushing is something that is even harder to imagine.
No matter how many times it has made things difficult for me I would in no way give up how much I blush, it is too much a part of who I have become
you guessed it - blushing.
I suffer exactly the same as 90% of the rest of you - intense blushing and blotchiness - burning face, eyes watering. It cost me my job thanks to one meeting where there was conflict and i lost it - two hours locked in the bathroom trying to calm myslef down never got over it - had to resign.
THERE IS HOPE - I'm a bit older and a bit wiser now and i've worked out that it is 100% mental and not physical. The trick is not to resist it and just let it happen. It's a result of your subconcious repeating a situation that probably happened to you when you were younger - Something happened, some moron commented on it you blushed more and you became know as 'the blusher' and it became embedded in your subconcious mind. Just think about it, you don't have to think about how to drive all the time do you? No - you just do it (good old subconcious!) Those people who make fun and comment on your blushing are not the sort of people you should worry about. You have to accept yourself, blushing or not. The more you accept your blushing, the less it will affect you. No doubt you are all intelligent, caring and emotional people, and you care too much what people think of you. Stop caring, and you will stop blushing as frequently. Firstly though, accept your blusing andyou will get such great relief and when you do that public speach, presentation etc glowing like a beetroot - it will get better, you will feel a million dollars when it's over!
Happy to talk more to my fellow blushers!
I have been reading some of
I have been reading some of the reviews on here and i can sympathise with people who blush, i remember my first experience of blushing at school when having to stand in front of people and deliver a speech of some sort and i would always dred my turn the more i thought about it the worse it became, however when i didn't think about it the blushing did not happen, i do not blush as often as i did however i now find that the blushing occurs when i find myself in a 'uncomfortable' situation ie iv not seen somebody for a long time and i bump into them i feel awkward, not embarrassed at all but then i go red and feel myself burn up the more i try to make it go away the more it happens, its weird because i am a really confident person but when in a situation which is not pre planned as it were that is when i blush, i don't think i can ever stop this, people must think im strange, i t only happens with people that i know im fine around people i don't know its just the people that i know but do not know them very well, it doesn't happen when with close friends family or when with my boyfriend. i put it down to being unsure around people and the fact that i do not know them well enough to be myself!!
Blushing 11/07/08
I really enjoyed this well-written article about blushing. It helped me to understand why I occasionally turn red. I have never talked to a professional, but I think I have slight social anxiety disorder, claustrophobia, and slight agoraphobia. I am actually a very smiley and positive person most of the time. I find that I blush when I am in an environment where I do not feel comfortable. I blush when I am put on the spot, sometimes while being interviewed, when asked about what I do for a living, or asked a question I do not know. I blush around people who make me feel inferior or unintelligent. I never blush around my family... except for around my stepdad. He has such an overbearing and arrogant attitude. I guess I don't feel comfortable around him. I can go a month or two without blushing (surprisingly), but weird things set it off. I HATE HATE HATE running into people I haven't seen in a while in random places. I dread the "What have you been up to?" question. I always feel like I am boring because I have nothing exciting to say and I have a problem with making eye contact. Then, when I see I am making the person feel uncomfortable by me acting like this, it makes me feel worse and my face turns even more red. My whole life I've been told that I am exceptionally beautiful, but I don't see it. I mean, I don't think I am disgusting or anything, but I just don't view myself that way. I always compare myself to other more attractive women, which, in my mind, makes me feel not attractive at all. It just embarrasses me and makes me feel bad (when people tell me I'm pretty). I know I am just being overly critical of myself, but it really bothers me. I was a waitress for six years and guys would always comment on my looks - making me red as hell! Even if a guy would call me "sweetheart" I would blush. I also have naturally larger breasts and I get a lot of attention for it, from guys and girls. God, I want a breast reduction so badly! I am also a bit claustrophobic. Standing in line in a grocery store where there is no where to run or hide makes me feel incredibly anxious. Sometimes it makes me blush, but other times it just makes me sweat and my heart race. I know a lot of my problem is that I do not know any of my extended family members anymore and I am *very* family oriented. I haven't seen anyone since I was 9. I am now 24. I have never met my father so I guess I have issues with that, too. I guess it all boils down to me feeling insecure... I always said to myself and my friends that I don't care what other people think of me... but evidently, I do. I want to go to college so badly, but I am so afraid of public speaking. Blushing has really held me back in a lot of ways and I wish there was a way to control it. I have noticed that when I feel myself starting to blush I either leave the room or I focus on something different. I sometimes raise my eyebrows as if it helps to flush the redness away. It actually works!! Gosh, I even blush when my boyfriend (of six years!!) tells me I'm gorgeous. Of course I want him to think it, but it just makes me feel so ridiculous! I wish for once I could just say thank you and feel sassy and pretty. I think as I am getting a little older it is getting better. Exercise and reading books has really helped to raise my self-esteem. It definitely doesn't happen as often as in high school, but that could be because I avoid certain situations (like going out to eat with friends I hardly know for example - man, that makes me nervous for some reason). I don't know. Writing all of this really helps as well as reading other people's stories that I can relate to. One more thing... I rarely, if ever, blush outdoors. Even in embarrassing situations. I think my blushing problem has a lot to do with my claustrophobia. I don't know for sure. Does anyone else also have claustrophobia as well as a blushing? Thanks for listening everyone. Sorry I wrote so much... ~C
Breath and Blushing
I feel the exact same way!! The outdoors has become my safe haven. Whenever I feel uncomfortable in a social situation, I can't wait to get outside and feel the cold air on my face! I can have serious conversations with people outside, but the minute I'm indoors (especially in well-lit and small areas) I am a totally different person (more shy and anxious).
I am definitely clausterphobic and blush often. More so as of late. I think now that I'm aware of it, I do it more often. It's a vicious cycle.
Exercise does seem to help. And yoga is great. Except for the guys that try to hit on me in yoga class, which makes me more self-conscious and more stressed out!
Last year, I did a youth empowerment course that taught me great breathing techniques. I felt so confident afterwards and fairly relaxed in social situations, but then I stopped going to the weekly follow-up meetings because it was too cult-like. I haven't felt that good in a while. I think part of the reason I felt so great was because I had learned how to breathe deeply instead of taking shallow breaths or holding my breath in stressful situations. My own personal theory is that if we (those of us who get anxious in social situations) can learn to breathe deeply, we'll be better able to control our anxiety and blushing.
Does anyone else have any theories about the effect of breathing on blushing?
blushing
Try effexor for anxiety, it helps a lot. you still blush a little but you dont get as anxious about it. c you nailed in the head how i feel...i thought i was reading about myself! good luck.
yall are all awesome!!!!
yall are all awesome!!!! even though we all go trough this we all manage to keep living!!! like some of yall said WE R NOT PERFECT!!! i may not be no one important but yall inspired me!!! and we should try living everyday to the fullest cuz we are no different!!! even better perhaps!!:)
The truth is, everybody
The truth is, everybody blushes! Even the coolest most confident person can and probably have blushed! Some people just blush more, and it is how you handle that blush that will determine the frequency and severity of the ones to follow. Learn to love yourself and always put the focus on the other person. It is when we are overly self-aware that we become unsure of ourselves and blush. Always make the other person the centre of attention, just forget about yourself and that you are actaully there, and I promise you you will be able to deal with much more situations. And when attention is unavoidable, laugh cause it relaxes you. Or be overly friendly, it will take your mind of the blushing :-). If someone laughs at you, laugh with them, more difficult to do than say, but at least try it. Just say, `oh, I`m so embarrased, another blush`, and giggle.
Blushing isn`t always associated with embarrasment, it can be shock, temperature change, etc. So realise you are not always in control of your blushing and it is ok when it does happen.
Don`t let it ruin or control your life, it doesn`t have to!
I can`t tell you how
I can`t tell you how suprised I am to read about so many that share the same experience! I don`t feel like a freak anymore and feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Funny thing is, this blush thing is part of my life right now, but I have decided that it will not rule my life. Who decided anyway that blushing is embarrasing? Some insensitive fool that don`t understand? I believe we blushers are genuine people, we feel things and show our feelings. And I believe we are honest people cause we all know to lie ends up in a very messy red situation ;-).
I have now forced myself to identify the situations that trigger blushing. Mostly it is being put in the spot or being intriduced to someone new. Strange thing is, if I choose to be on the spot or to introduce myself I am fine. It is only when I am approached off-gaurd or put on the spot off-gaurd that I blush. Then I came to realise it is all about confidence. Total confidence is being ok in any situation and being oblivious to what anyone thinks. And this I believe can be achieved. Now don`t think there is another thing wrong with you because you dont have that much confidence, it is not your fault, it is because of something that happened to you or the way your were raised. And sometimes I think it can be genetic as well.
You are not a freak, you are not alone, you are not weird. You are a genuine person with lots to offer and that need to learn to accept and love yourself. I am religious and I believe we are all great! You have the right to think you are great and to love yourself! Screw what anyone else thinks, and those people that really know you love you regardless of anything. Do you really want to be accepted or liked by anyone that laughs at your discomfort? Those kind of people are not worth your time or effort,and only real genuine people will understand and accept you and not make things worst for you.
I now challenge myself everyday. I now force myself to proudly stand up when introduced to someone, and smile. And before all this I say to myself `I am one cool chick and definitely someone worth to know`). I shake their hand, even if there were a slight blush it is fine, cause I did it!! And with accomplishment comes confidence. I challenge myself with all different kinds of things now.
It is simply a negative pshycological image that has to be shattered. Or a certain situation we associate with blushing. Don`t let it get you down. There is nothing wrong with you, you just show your emotions differently than other people.
Sorry for all the babbling, but I have been touched by what I read and wanted to share my thoughts.
Lets all learn to blush and laugh about it!
My Theory on Blushing
The irony of blushing is that it's so embarrassing and this just intensifies the blush! I have a theory on blushing - I think it's nature's way of attracting a mate. A lot of animals change colors to attract a mate so why should we be any different? A lot of people are saying here that they blush when around someone that they like or when around the opposite sex. When we're around someone that we like or the opposite sex, we are often easily embarrassed or uncertain, and blush. I think the attracting a mate is nature's reason behind blushing but nature isn't that specified so whenever we feel embarrassed or uncertain, we blushers blush. Some people told about their first experience with blushing so here is mine. It was in the third grade and, although I forget the reason, found myself being laughed at by the entire class! Even the teacher was trying not to laugh! It made me feel so silly and my face got so hot! As I got older, I realized that when my face got hot it meant that I was blushing.
My personality and blushing
I also have a problem with blushing. I, like many others here, blush when I am the centre of attention. It's started happening a lot more when I meet people for the first time. The thought of blushing also brings me me to a blush. I totally agree with people that consider it a vicious cycle.
I think that the reason for my source of blushing is the feeling of 'being judged'. This is partly due to my self confidence, coupled with my need to be liked. I've spoken to my parents about it and my mom mentioned that she also suffered from the problem. She said that it goes away with confidence.
To fix the problem, I'm trying to develop a mindset that people can like me for who I am. I have the opinion that the more I open myself up to people the less of a problem it will be for me. I dont have issues in front of my friends, so I consider the above solution to be logical course of action. But something that I need to address first is I must care less of what other people think of me... If I can get that right it will be an end to the 'Blush of Death'... Haha... Good luck guys!
Blushing
My first blush was in the first grade. Cant remember the details but for some reason I started the first grade a few days late. I recall being brought into the classroom and everyone's attention was on me and it made me feel a bit different or separate from the established group. That first day experience made me feel that I was not as advanced as the other children. This along with the other events of that first day probably created a feeling of inferiority and this may be the root emotional cause for the manifestation of blushing. From that point on I was always pointed out for blushing which would create even more feelings of inferiority and even more intense blushing. If we are honest with ourselves we may all see this as a root emotion that starts the blushing cycle.
Sometimes uniquely sensitive individuals (we are a special highly evolved group) can have an intense experience at an early age that creates an emotional trigger resulting in blushing. We get branded or stuck with the emotion and it is a hard one to deal with. Am I or you really inferior? Heck no! Personally I am really superior in many many ways and you may be too. 50 years later I still turn red, but something in me is bigger than that emotion and I have accomplished alot. I love public speaking because I have something very important to say, more important than worring about MY FACE. Dont let a red face rob you of your purpose in life. Dig deep, you are bigger than your problem. Just kindly thank the insensitive people for their brilliant observation and keep on talking. Much Love to my fellow blushers. You are NOT inferior! Check out the EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE, might help, and search Elain Aron PHD, writtings about hypersensitive people. Dr. John Hill
Yep another blusher!
Why me? I feel like the extent of my blushing is changing me as a person, i feel like i cant be myself around others in the fear of turning red in the face.
I have had the problem for ages but have only really started to notice it over the past few years. I would consider myself a confident person who loves to get involved in various social events so dont understand why i blush so easily.
I find that these days anything can trigger the redness and i dread those situations. When i do turn red it happens instantly but is gone within 20 seconds but that is 20 seconds of pure hell!!! Walking past people i dont even know can make me blush let alone being in an embarassing situation. It has started to get so bad that i have decided to really look into it and that is how i came to discover this website and found i am not going through it alone. I have read everyones comments on this page and dont know wether to feel happy or sad! I just want the blushing to dissappear, i HATE it, i just want to live a life where i am not held back by something so small yet so painful.
I would give anything to not nescecarily find a cure but just something to reduce the redness. I dont want to go as far as surgery but i want to discover something realistic and affordable and something accessible.....so if anyone has any ideas feel free to fire them my way!!!!
I am an 18-year-old female
I am an 18-year-old female and I think since i became aware of myself I blushed. I do feel it restrains me a fair amount and it certainly deeply distresses me from time to time. BUT it is not so bad.
I don't know if I'm the only one who finds that when attention is focused on me or when something (there are a lot of triggers!) causes me to blush, I blush, but then it fades and for the most part I find that it passes, and I can talk normally.
I truly believe that the way to get beyond the blushing is to force yourself to talk and stop hiding from it.
it doesn't matter if you go red, because it will pass, and nobody really minds. often they can't understand it, and undoubtedly they notice it, and sometimes they comment; it is so demoralising but I think when one accepts it and laughs and carries on, it helps considerably.
I have exactly the same feelings as everyone here. only 2 hours ago i was having supper with a lady i know who has a son my age, who i do not have a crush on in the slightest, and when she mentioned him, i blushed and had to go and get a tissue to cover it up. the second time she mentioned him, i blew my nose to try and cover up the redness! :D its funny really. i know if he spoke to me, just like when most males speak to me,i would turn red, and probably get over it again,but he would see and it would make me miserable, and probably make him assume i fancy him.
until today i thought i was alone, and it is so good to know i am not.
but think about it, when someone goes red, what do you think? you feel compassion, and you forget about it! it doesn't affect how much you like someone or what you think of them. you remember that they are self-conscious too, and apart from that, it doesn't affect anything. many people think it is sweet and it shows our sensitivity and humanity. i hate it just as much as everyone else does, but in the grand scheme of things, a face that blushes is nothing like as bad as a lot of other diseases.
blushing doesn't need to ruin anyone's life in the slightest. if you think of it as a natural thing your body does, its part of nature, you can't really help it, so let it be. much easier said than done, i know, but people accept it, like i said, nobody really minds. i second strongly what tammy adams said: that no decent person will condemn you for turning red easily.
also thank you so much Tammy Adams, I found what you said really helpful.
I am a blusher too...
I have read ALL of the stories on here, and it all sounds all to familiar to me. I am a 31 year old female and I have suffered mentally from this issue for more than half of my life now. Some periods in my life have been worse than others--but I am a good person regardless of my blushing. I just have to believe that I am the way I am for humility and it shows my humanity. I am starting to think now that I am here to put people at ease with their own discomforts...maybe that is part of my purpose here on this earth.
1.) I have been way to hard on myself and I continue to be hard on myself
2.) It is only blushing, it may feel like death...but it isn't...I am not dying.
3.) My blushing may trigger someone to laugh, taunt, tease, be confused...and if I want someone to understand it I can sit down and explain it to them--or just anounce that I blush easily.
4.) If someone feels they are superior because of my blushing...or if it is just in my head that I BELIEVE they ARE SUPERIOR...which is usually the case...It Isnt TRUE. If they truely feel that way...then they are the ugly person...not me because I happen to have the red face. They are the one with the ugly thought.
5.) My compassion is high and I have probably a better sense of looking around me and feeling someone hurting because of their silence, uncomfortable glances, sweating, blushing because I have been BLESSED with my sensitivity.
6.) It is all how you look at the situation. You can see it as a curse (like I have for years on my life--which has made it smaller.) Or you can see it as a BLESSING and just nip it--because it really isn't a big deal. In the larger scheme of it all it feels as LARGE as we make it.
7.) I choose to focus on the good things in my life and I have good things regardless of living with this along with nervous stomach, heart racing, IBS---feeling like I am going to have my lunch run right through me. I have let it destroy me mentally were I was drinking to points of blackout. Took Benzodiazapines because they made me feel flat and tired (stoned).
8.) It isn't worth the heartache and the worry of WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. It is taking back our power regardless of the starting point of were we begin to take the power back into our lives.
9.) It is important to recognize but not to dwell on the negative factors associated with this. It is fact that it is easier to find a negative about something that it is to find a positive....that is the spiral down the rabbit hole. We have to stay positive on this or it will reck our lives.
10.) DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUS...no one else does. Maybe we should all have our friends make us blush and then we can look in the mirror and instead of discust of ourselves...really just laugh and make a joke about it.
And just to let you know I still hurt about it. I stayed home today from work because I had an embarrassing BLUSHING over something silly and completely lost my composure....but I let myself wallow in it today and I stayed home. I am going back to work tomorrow....but I am starting to see that this is my own Monster that I let get big and scary to me....and it is ok to feel the emotions and I am perfectly imperfect....I am human.
And another thing....people will love you if you let them. No decent person is going to condemn you for turning red in the face....and let me tell you I get so red I am purple in the face and I get blotchy across my upper arms, chest and neck as well...and people mostly just think it's strange at first and then they just know you as a person of "HIGH COLOR". I could go on, but we all got to just keep the faith in ourselves.....especially the teens in here that are going through this....don't let it destroy you and don't let yourselves get eaten by it because your mind has the power to destroy yourself or build on your strength to be the best you can be....and YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT....and that is OK.
CBT therapy helps but it is something you have to work on every day especially if you are stuck in the loop. I took CBT Group Therapy from Dr. Richards in Phoenix AZ and it helped me a ton with my social anxiety...but I still blush...I am just learning to accept it as part of me. Don't give up--there are also groups out there for depression, toastmasters (which helped me a ton), community theatre groups, it is just a matter of facing situations that make us most uncomfortable and learning how to slow our reactions down and self acceptance. It is a slow process, but it is just the hand we were dealt, genes play a big part in this because I have many members in my family with the same problems....or it may also be learned behaviors and patterns.
This is good advice
I'm a 37-year old straight male, I have a well paid senior role in a large organisation and I've been a Samaritan (www.samaritans.org.uk) for about 6-years. In other words, I'm supposed to be a serious, well adjusted and in control sort of person. Someone who others can turn to and depend on in a crisis. Someone who doesn't get embarrassed by any topic including talking about suicide or masturbation. Someone who can stand in front of hundreds of people and deliver a speech etc
However, I am human and I found this page because I was curious why I blush.
Today, a woman I really like spoke to me and I blushed. People around me sniggered and taunted me, which like so many of you made me blush even more. I hate blushing, I hate feeling that I'm not in control and I hate feeling like the centre of attention when it is for negative reasons.
You know what though, I accept my blushing in the same way I accept every other fault I have. I acknowledge it, I might think about it later but for the most part I move on.
Tammy is right in saying that there isn't a cure for blushing (oohh I wish there were) and there isn't a magic wand that can make us feel less embarrassed.
However, I firmly believe that by facing our fears and by realising the types of situations when we blush, we can overcome it ... not cure it ... but just learn to cope with it better.
Your stories have really touched me and I sincerely hope you all can learn to cope and be stronger.
A quick story ... a woman was secretly very self conscious about her weight and on one of her more "down days" a well meaning friend told her that her dress looked a little tight on her. How did the woman feel? Hurt? That would be an understatement!!
A short while later the same woman was overjoyed because she had won the lottery. A not so well meaning friend told her that she was looking especially fat today. How did the woman feel? Hurt? Nope ... extatic ... after all, she was now a millionaire.
The moral of this story is simply that other people can't make you feel a certain way. They can certainly push the right buttons but ultimately we make ourselves feel the way we do!
If we think positively, we are positive.
Best wishes.
Please!...
Today at work a guy (Paul), who is really good looking and i must say i rather fancy came up 2 me as i was closing my till. He stood right behind me and asked me a question, he asked what had Linda said to me earlier that day (she had infact said that Paul really liked me!), because i knew that he knew what she had said i felt the blood explode to my face, i felt my heart pace quicken, i felt very sick aswell. I quickly turned away and answered his question (but i lied and said she had said nothing). He then said "You've gone bright red......Why have you gone so red?!...your'e quite shy aren't you?!" this was very loud and in front of remaining customers. So of course i could my face get worse. i didn't know what to say, i couldn't just ignore him, so i said... "I dunno, its just the way i am!" He then tried to come around to the other side but i turned my head away again. He then said "Look there is your best mate Linda!" (shes about 30 years older than me and i've only known her a couple of weeks) but he's only saying that because he knows what she said to me! he then said "I'm gona go tell her you went bright red!" he said it in a sweetish kinda way though. I don't think he's trying to be mean, or to put me on the spot, but he really wants to know about me and talk to me but i am just so timid.
I tried deep breathing but it just won't stop the red from appereaing. When i got home i cried so hard i hated myself so much.
As it only happened about 4 hours ago i can't stop thinking about it, i just want to disappear.
I wish there was a cure but reading the comment above tells me there are no garantees. I thought that putting a bit of AfterSun lotion on my face before hand might help alittle as it is used to cool burning from the sun?!
I still feel sick now while replaying it in my head!
Thanks for giving time to read all of our sorrowful comments.
I hope you could help.
Lia
It is very annoying.
I have the same problem and I'm always trying to avoid situations where I'm sure I'll blush. Not only is my face the only part that blushes, but also my arms and my chest, I always wear t-shirts and nobody sees my chest reddens thought.